


Love, Family, and Treachery

by orphan_account



Category: Avatar: Last Airbender
Genre: Conspiracy, F/M, Family, Family Drama, Mystery, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, Romance, Shotgun Wedding, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-10-02
Updated: 2011-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-24 06:18:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/260074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mai and Zuko thought they had enough to deal with in the three years following the war. They didn't count on a shotgun wedding, parenthood, and a deadly conspiracy from within their own inner circle. Written for the Maiko Big Bang on livejournal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Better than Last Year

**Author's Note:**

> As of November 2016, I'm making the decision to orphan this story. I'm sorry to everyone who has been waiting for updates, and I'm especially sorry for not writing a satisfying resolution, but it's been a very long time and I want to move on from my older fic. Thanks for reading!

"All right, gentlemen, you know the drill. We do _not_ want a repeat of Shu Jing." The former Lieutenant Jee and current long-suffering Captain of the Guard oversaw the crowd of Zukos finishing up their preparations in the antechamber, straightening their gold-plated fake crowns, making sure all the pieces of their armor were firmly in place. The court painter flitted back and forth with a palette of pink and red paints, putting finishing touches on scars. At the front of the room, the event coordinator held up five fingers. Five minutes left.

The real Zuko stood off to one side of the hubbub, decked out like his guards in black and red royal armor. Much easier to run and fight in than the heavy silk robes that he wore while sitting on the throne.

"It'll be all right. You've done this how many times, now?" Mai stroked his cheek, a gentle smile on her lips.

"I'm going to run out of luck eventually," Zuko muttered.

"Don't say that." She kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "It's just a speech. Stop worrying."

"I can't stop worrying. I don't know how."

"You'll be fine."

Zuko sighed and pulled her close. "Love you."

"Love you too."

The dozen body doubles put on their helmets and formed up in front of the door. The coordinator held up two fingers, and Mai and Zuko separated. He gave her hand one last squeeze and took his place at the head of his entourage. Out of the wings came thirty green-robed former Dai Li agents, faces shadowed and hands hidden. Their leader, Xiang, bowed to Mai, and they too took their places behind the Firelord.

One minute left. Zuko turned to his main bodyguard, Yi Min.

"Let's hope his goes better than Shu Jing," he said.

"It would have to be pretty bad to _not_ go better than Shu Jing." Yi Min gave Zuko a crooked smile. "I got your back."

"I know. Thanks."

No time left. Zuko took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and headed out onto the same pavilion on which he had been crowned, all his guards close around him, and Mai lurking somewhere behind and to the left.

The reaction he garnered was much different than it had been three years ago on this day. No cheers. No shouts of any kind, not even angry ones. Just silence. Heavy, judgmental silence. As soon as he stepped forward to speak, he could feel the individual, unfriendly glares of the crowd on him. He swallowed, flexed his fingers, and took a deep breath.

"My countrymen," he began. "You have my eternal gratitude for coming here today, on the third anniversary of the arrival of the Comet and the end of the great war. I am very pleased to announce that our reconstruction efforts in the Earth Kingdom continue to be successful, thanks to the involvement of the other nations and the Avatar. Continued cooperation is the key to continued success."

He suddenly felt very tired when he mentioned Aang. Everything was easier when he was around. People listened to him, mostly because the rumors of his bending prowess were the stuff of legend. But they would continue to listen once they met him. He was everything that Zuko wasn't: personable, eloquent, and effortlessly sincere. He cared about everyone and didn't even have to fake it as Zuko sometimes did when he just couldn't muster the strength to give a damn. The kid was diplomacy, personified. And unfortunately, he was a full day away by messenger hawk.

"As of yesterday, the Avatar and the delegates from the Southern Water Tribe were in the western Earth Kingdom, along with a number of Fire Nation delegates, aiding some of the Earth Kings in the matter of the established Fire Nation colonies on their land. I am also pleased to report that there is significant progress in this area. The three oldest provinces have moved to become self-governing within the next ten years with the blessing of the Fire Nation, the Earth Kingdom, and the Avatar, in order to free them from the old era's imperialism while promoting governmental stability and cultural individuality that have developed over the last century."

A low rumble ran through the crowd. Zuko suspected that it was a rumble of displeasure. It was _always_ displeasure. He took another deep breath.

"General Iroh and a few other distinguished individuals from around the world are in Ba Sing Se, as they have been for the last two years. The city has been stabilized, the government has been reformed, and the Earth King has been under the mentorship of King Bumi of Omashu since his return to the throne." At one hundred and sixteen years old, King Bumi was still as invincible as ever, and just as crazy. If there was anyone capable of cleaning up Ba Sing Se in one fell swoop, it was him. Kuei, annoyingly, was still the dorkiest and least-experienced head of state in the world. Which was embarrassing for him, given that the point of comparison was the twenty-year-old Firelord who talked to turtleducks when the pressure of ruling started to get to him.

Zuko now understood why Uncle valued a simple life of peace and prosperity over his royal birthright.

"The world is healing. The bonds between us and our brothers and sisters from the other nations are beginning to be repaired after being broken for so long. All over the world, families are being reunited, children are able to sleep at night without having to wonder if their mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters are safe. There are some wounds that take longer to heal. I will work for the rest of my life to undo the damage done by my forefathers. I ask for your support, your cooperation, and your patience. We are the children of Fire. We have desire, will, and passion. We have the strength and the means to be a tremendous force for good in the world, and it is our responsibility to so whatever it takes to restore the balance that was destroyed by the great war."

Suddenly, there was a series of loud bangs, and the whole plaza filled with a rush of dense black smoke. It happened so fast that it was impossible to tell where it came from, who did it, and what was going to happen next—

Disoriented, Zuko tried to figure out what just happened, but the crowd was no longer silent, they were doing something, he couldn't tell—running, shouting, either toward or away from the pavilion. The smoke reached him and he tried to cough it out, but it was too thick—

In the middle of his confusion, he felt a firm slap on his right arm. Yi Min was there, holding out his own helmet.

They both knew what they had to do. Hating himself just a bit, Zuko put the helmet on and disappeared into the crowd of his guards while Yi Min took his place. No sudden movements. Slowly, carefully, they made their way back indoors.

* * *

"I'm sick of this! I'm tired of having to run off whenever something happens, and something always happens! It's so... cowardly!"

"It's just self-preservation," Mai said. Once he had calmed down a little, she put her hands on his shoulders and pressed her forehead to his. He slumped beneath her touch. "Hopefully it won't always be this way. When the colonies are settled, and once people start trusting our exports... it'll calm down."

"My whole life I've had to protect myself. I hate having to be... babysat."

"Zuko, you've never been alone. Whether you like it or not, you've always had someone looking out for you. Your uncle, your mom, your friends, me..."

"Not like this, though."

"No... I suppose you're right. Even so, for now, it's necessary. Don't worry too much about it. Remember that things are better than they were last year."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"You should take the afternoon off, give yourself and everyone else enough time to cool off."

"I was going to." He already looked a little better, but there was still an annoyed, troubled look to his eyes. "Are you teaching your class this afternoon?"

"Yes, I was just about to go."

"Have fun."

"I will." She patted his cheek. "Don't worry, all right?"

* * *

To most observers, Mai's classes were only what they seemed to be: an opportunity for young noblewomen to get some fresh air and exercise and to socialize with each other. But Mai never did anything "just because." If she wanted to socialize, she could throw a tea party. If she wanted fresh air and exercise, she could take a walk around the palace grounds.

By teaching young, nonbending noblewomen how to fight, she secured their loyalty. Benders of their class were trained from an early age, and all commoner girls learned basic self-defense in school. Mai's students, having not been touched by the Sun, would have been expected to pursue only ladylike pastimes, had it not been for the Lady's invitation to come and train with her. Because of Mai, these women were no longer helpless. And because they were the rising generation, the daughters of the old guard, neither was Mai. All she had to do was wait for the old nobles to die.

"My friend Ty Lee is never afraid," Mai said to her girls as they did their stretches. "She knows that if someone puts her in a position she doesn't like, she can always get herself out of it."

"How can she do that, Lady Mai?" asked Bao Yu, one of the more forward girls. Mai privately speculated that she was hoping to secure a position as a lady-in-waiting someday.

"Practice and discipline," Mai replied. "Since she was a little girl, actually. We both taught ourselves to fight, since our parents wouldn't find tutors for us." She straightened up from her deep lunge, and her students followed her. "How many of you have practiced after last week's lesson?" Only a few hands went up. Mai sighed. "Well, I suppose moving on is out of the question, in that case. Bao Yu, Hua, and Mei Zhen will demonstrate what they have been practicing."

The three girls came to the front of the class and prepared to show the others their moves. But a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye drew Mai's attention. She turned and felt a smile tugging at her lips as a familiar green-clad figure came striding across the field.

"I'm afraid this lesson will have to be cut short, ladies," she said. "We will meet again tomorrow, at the same time. And remember to practice, or I will be displeased."

"Yes, Lady Mai," they all chorused before bowing and running off.

While the girls were leaving, Suki met Mai halfway across the field and folded her in a firm hug.

"It's good to see you, Mai," she said. "How have you been?"

"Oh, same as usual."

"That bad?" Suki grinned. Mai shrugged.

"It's difficult, frustrating... but I think it's going well." She paused slightly and wrinkled her nose. "Better than last year at least."

"The riots." Suki nodded. "I remember. At least things are peaceful now, right?"

"Mostly. Were you at Zuko's speech this morning?"

"No, but I heard about it. It's pretty scary, that stuff like that still happens."

"Yeah. Our guards are used to handling it by now. Zuko still hates it, though." Mai held out her hand expectantly. Suki smiled and handed over one of her fans. They both fell into fighting stances, circling each other, fans open. "You're here to keep the Anniversary, right?"

"And to visit our friends."

"Where's Ty Lee and the rest of the Warriors?"

"I told them to have a chi-blocking lesson near the Dai Li's quarters. You know, as a reminder." Suki's smile took on a slightly wicked quality and she went for Mai's shoulder.

"Nice," Mai said as she blocked the attack. "But I'm not sure that's as necessary as it used to be."

"You trust them?"  
"No. But they understand what I expect of them, and we've never had a problem."

"Hm. I never thought I could hate an earthbender as much as I hate all of them."

"Not that it's unwarranted, of course. Zuko and I have had too many headaches over the mess they left in Ba Sing Se." Mai watched Suki's feet, paying careful attention to how she carried her weight. Her fan flicked out as Suki lunged forward, and the Warrior quickly stepped aside to avoid the sharp edge.

"You have the reflexes of a cat," Suki said, impressed. "But you should attack more. You're too defensive."

"What if I'm luring you into a false sense of security?"

"In that case, I think you blew it by saying so."

"But I didn't say so."

Suki stood up and closed her fan. "Mai, my invitation still stands."

"With respect, so does my refusal."

"You could be your own woman! Come with us! You wouldn't have to play tea-party with people who only know how to lie and manipulate." Suki looked exasperated. "You're a grown, free person. You don't have to live your life the way your mother wanted you to."

"I'm not. If you understood the royal court, you would know why."

"Even so! Don't let people define you by who you live with! You can—"

"I know you've been holding this in for a long time, waiting to say it until you saw me again. As I said before: I am happy here. I love everything about it. What was right for Ty Lee was not for me." Mai snapped her fan open again. "I appreciate the offer and if things had been different, I might have accepted. Let's just put it behind us."

She resumed her fighting stance and faced off against Suki once more. They sparred in silence for a few minutes, Mai's cool mask concealing her irritation. Suki's irritation, however, was plainly visible in her furrowed brow and clenched jaw.

"I just don't understand why you're so attached to the life of a _consort_."

"I'm not a consort. I'm a politician. My boyfriend just happens to be the Firelord."

"How is that different? You're still looking pretty for crowds and throwing dinner parties."

"Yes, but that's not all I do," Mai said. "I watch everyone. I notice everything. I exploit their vices and their weaknesses. Zuko would never be able to do it himself, and there would be no progress in the Earth Kingdom. Our government is corrupt. Too many Ozai loyalists. Or worse, Azula loyalists. And since Zuko is not his father, he can't just make his enemies disappear."

"Sounds like a dirty business."

"It's a game." Mai smiled. "One where there are no rules and your opponents want you dead."

"You're ruthless."

"Thank you."

"He really is lucky."

"Of course he is. He's too idealistic to get anything done. It's almost impossible to believe he was raised in the royal court." She tucked a secret smile away within herself. Zuko was an enthusiastic dork, but he was _her_ enthusiastic dork. "What about you? Have you seen Sokka lately?"

"We're off."

"For now."

"Yeah."

"Is it better to be a consort, or to never make a decision?"

Suki heard the challenge. Mai saw the gleam in Suki's eyes. Both of them smiled and flew at each other, fans gleaming in the sun. It was on.


	2. Unexpected News

"As I said before. Granting the colonies complete independence was the result of three years of negotiations with the Earth Kings and countless drafts of the Treaty of Shu Jing—I can't just undo it," Zuko said, annoyed. "Because the colonies were acquired illegally, the Fire Nation can't keep them. Because they've been ruled by the Fire Nation for the last hundred years, it would be politically and culturally impossible for them to integrate back into the Earth Kingdom. This is the best course of action, and it was not decided lightly."

Even though Zuko knew this was the right thing to do, he couldn't help but sympathize with Lord Xiao. His family had ruled in the colonies for generations, and now he was faced with a choice between giving up his Fire Nation citizenship and the privileges that went with it, and his influence in Garsai.

"My lord," said Lord Xiao. Zuko could hear the anger building under his voice. "Surely it is in the best interest of everyone involved to allow the colonial rulers to continue governing as they always have."

"Even if that's true, it's in direct violation of the treaty," Zuko explained, wishing for a swift death. If he had a copper piece for every time some fool nobleman thought he knew best... "No Fire Nation or Earth Kingdom citizen will rule in the colonies after the appointed date when the colonies achieve total independence. You have ten years to put your affairs in order and decide what you're going to do." He raised his hand when Lord Xiao opened his mouth to speak. "I cannot and will not change _years'_ worth of agreements for the sake of keeping everything the same. I won't risk another war. Not after all we've done to end the last one."

Lord Xiao, his cheeks bright red with suppressed rage, bowed deeply. "Yes, my lord."

"I understand where you're coming from. I really do. But there's simply no way for me to please everyone."

"Of course, my lord."

"If that's your only concern..."

"Yes, my lord. Thank you for your time."

When the nobleman had gone, taking his little angry cloud with him, Zuko leaned back in his chair and wondered why in the world he had decided to make himself more accessible than his predecessors ever did. Back in the day, the Firelord spoke, and the citizens obeyed. There was none of this questioning. Nothing was ever _discussed_. His father would have—no, his father _did_ put people to death for thinking twice about his orders.

"That's not me," he muttered to himself as he rubbed his eyes.

It really _wasn't_ him. Everyone expected that he would be different from his father in some very basic ways, but not to this extent.

When he was first crowned, it was a given that he would move into the Firelord's lavish quarters. He immediately cemented himself as an eccentric in the eyes of his staff when he instead ordered this, a private audience room, to be constructed in what had once been the old bedroom and commanded the whole place to be fumigated with jasmine tea, incense, and hundreds upon hundreds of white lotus blossoms to remove the ingrained coffee smell. The servants believed he was truly crazy when his friends started sending him things from the Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom, not to mention a tall statue of Avatar Yangchen, to decorate his new private audience room.

And when he actually started holding audiences, instead of just keeping the room as a token gesture, his observers entirely gave up trying to prove his sanity.

He felt like it was important, though. He couldn't very well go out into the city to see what people wanted from him, so he invited them to come to him. Nobles, commoners, sages, it didn't even matter. So people saw him as weird. He didn't care. He'd been called worse.

"Zhou," he said to his assistant. "Who is my next appointment?"

"That's it for today, my lord. The one who was supposed to be this afternoon had to cancel because of a death in the family."

"Oh. That's too bad. That someone died, I mean, not that he canceled." Zuko took his white lotus pai sho tile out of his sleeve and rubbed the carved surface with his thumb. Just before leaving for Ba Sing Se, his uncle had pressed it into his palm, accompanied only by a cryptic piece of advice. _When you need to use it, you'll know how..._ "What do I have lined up for the rest of the day?"

"Nothing until this evening—you're scheduled to have dinner with Admirals Chan and Liang and their families, and then nothing else until tomorrow."

"Huh. It's almost like having a day off." He tucked the tile back into his sleeve and stood up. He was going to go to his room, throw his robes into a pile on the floor, and spend the rest of the afternoon in a half-asleep haze. Maybe he could convince Mai to join him. "I'll be at dinner, but until then, no interruptions."

"Yes, my lord."

There was a slight spring in his step as he left the room and made his way through the palace's familiar hallways to his personal residence, where he had lived as a prince. He didn't get why people thought it wasn't fit for the Firelord. It wasn't as if assuming the throne had suddenly made him some kind of unpleasable snob.

The halls were lined with guards. He'd grown accustomed to the sheer number in the last three years—in contrast, the palace during his father's reign had had a fraction of the guards that he had. They were all necessary, though, even if it felt like he was hiding behind ranks of men like a coward. The Imperial Firebenders never drew his eye, but no matter how many times he saw them, the sight of the former Dai Li agents set his pulse racing.

As far as he could tell, Mai had been right. Her threats kept them in line, and since his coronation, they had followed her orders to the letter. He still remembered what she said that day... certainly, they would have been fools to decline.

 _You can stay here and pledge your loyalty to the Firelord and myself—in time, you may even consider this country your home. At the very least, the pay will be good. Or you can leave and seek your fortunes elsewhere. But know this: if you attempt to betray us from the inside, I will have Ty Lee and our friends the Kyoshi Warriors transport you back to Ba Sing Se, where the authorities there will do with you what they please..._

He smiled. She had made it clear that if anything happened, anything at all, they were done. He still didn't trust them. But he trusted Mai.

The bedroom door was slightly ajar. Zuko pushed it open to see Mai packing a small chest at the foot of the bed. Her mouth was pressed in a straight, tight line and her hands had the slightest tremor to them as she folded a pair of pants.

"Uh... planning a trip?" he asked, bewildered.

"I'm going to visit my mom."

"Is she all right? What happened?"

"Nothing. It's all right. Everyone's fine." Her voice was too calm, too level. Something was wrong. She didn't close herself off anymore, not like this, unless something was the matter.

"Then why—"

"I'm pregnant."

Zuko felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. His surroundings seemed to completely drop out of existence. All he could see was Mai, and all he could hear was the sound of his heart beating faster and faster. He struggled to say something, anything, but the words kept dying before they reached his mouth.

"What?" he finally managed to choke out.

Mai turned slowly to face him, her face a perfect mask. "Pregnant, Zuko."

"Are—are you sure?"

"Yes."

He tried to find the words, but they wouldn't come. He didn't know what he should say, he'd never even really thought about it. He'd never thought he would _have_ to know what to say before now, at least, not for a long time. Years, lots of them. He wasn't ready. Neither of them were. And now he didn't have any clue of how to proceed.

He did the only thing he could think of. He crossed the room to where Mai stood and held her tightly in his arms, pressing her close to him.

"It's going to be okay, Zuko," she said into his chest. "It'll be okay. Everything's going to be fine." But he could hear the faint tremble that had entered her voice.

"Uh, so you're, uh, going to see your mom?" His mind was just starting to catch up and he could now form actual words.

"Yeah."

"Okay. When?"

"Now."

"Uh... _right_ now? Why?"

"I have to talk to her. You know, woman-to-woman." She lifted her head, a tiny wrinkle of distaste at the corner of her nose. Zuko let out a nervous giggle and kissed her on the lips. All of this still felt too surreal, like it wasn't really happening and he was just watching it happen from a distance.

"Mai. Everything will be okay." He pressed his forehead to hers and stroked her cheek.

"Yes. It will. It'll be fine."

"I know."

"Me too."

"Okay."

They stood motionless, arms wrapped around each other, for a long time. Neither of them knew what to do. They really _didn't_ know if it would be okay. But they loved each other, and knew that whatever happened, they would be in it together.

* * *

Mai left right away in a carriage pulled by two moose-dragons, accompanied by the usual complement of guards. Since the end of the war, her family lived not in their house in the city, but in their estate in the country, in order to raise Tom-Tom in an area less prone to rioting and other random bursts of violence. She told Zuko she would probably stay there for a few days, which to him was already a few days too long.

He watched the carriage trundle off down the street and wondered what he would do with himself until she got back.

The reality of the situation had not yet hit him. He was still vaguely aware that his life was going to get suddenly and brutally serious, and foreboding seemed to lurk in the corners of his consciousness like impending rain, but mostly he felt detached. Not quite real. It was like living in a dream as he made his way to his office and sat down at his desk, a blank sheet of paper out in front of him.

 _Dear Uncle,_ he wrote. _I need to talk to you in person as soon as possible. It's not an emergency, but it's very serious. Actually, it kind of is an emergency. I don't know what I'm going to do and I just need to talk to you as soon as you can get here._ Along with giving him the pai sho tile, Uncle had promised him upon leaving that should Zuko need him, he could be back in the Fire Nation overnight. Aang had promised the same thing, so once Zuko put the finishing touches on the first letter, he began a second to send to his best friend. Maybe it was frivolous to send for both of them at the same time on account of something that was not a matter of widespread security, but at that moment, Zuko didn't really care. He needed to talk to people he trusted.

When he was done, he rolled and sealed the letters and put them in the out box on the corner of his desk. Zhou would come by later to send them by messenger hawk. He leaned back in his chair, sighed, and closed his eyes. He never knew what he was going to do about anything. But at least most of the time he could figure it out. Right now, he had no clue.

"Sir, the Admirals have arrived. They're going through security right now."

Zuko looked up to see Captain Jee standing a respectful distance back from his desk, leaning on his cane, a lasting reminder of injuries sustained in the Siege of the North. When did he come in?

"All right. I'll be out in a few minutes. Yi Min and Xiang both went with Mai, right?"

"Yes, sir." Upon hunting him down after the war and persuading him to take this job, Zuko had insisted that Jee call him by his given name. "Sir" was the closest that he could manage, even though the rest of their conversations were fairly casual.

"That's good to know." He trusted Yi Min as much as he could trust anyone outside of his immediate circle of friends, and Xiang was as trustworthy as one could hope for (according to Mai), so at least her trip would be safe. "Jee?" he said as the Captain of the Guard turned to leave. "Do you have any children?"

"No, sir. Why?"

"Just wondering. Never mind."

* * *

By the time dinner was served and Zuko was sitting at a table with people he would rather not be around right now, the actuality of what Mai had told him that afternoon had presented itself in all its uncomfortable glory. As he thought about what it meant, he was once again reduced to having difficulty with even the most basic of sentences.

This wasn't the first time that he had dined with Admiral Chan and his family, but it was the first time that he found no pleasure in tormenting Chan Junior with the reality of his rank and watching the Most Important Teenager On Ember Island squirm in his seat. He knew that Admiral Liang's fourteen-year-old twin daughters had massive crushes on him (a fact previously pointed out to him by a gleeful Mai), but today he wasn't even aware of the awkwardness it usually caused.

Somehow he had managed to get past greetings and introductions without embarrassing himself or anyone else too badly. He wished he could avoid further conversation by becoming very interested in the first course, but he couldn't eat. His appetite was gone. It was a burden to pick up his chopsticks and every tiny slice of fish felt as heavy as a boulder.

Admiral Chan was saying something about the downsizing of the military and several heavy battleships being scrapped for metal in the northern Earth Kingdom. Zuko nodded and continued to pick at his food, his thoughts whirling around in his head so fast he was sure he was going to be sick.

They were going to have a child. He was going to be a father. He didn't know what to do, and Mai didn't either—it was desperation that drove her to talk to her mother, the very woman he knew she was scared of becoming. Just as he was scared of becoming his father.

They had wanted to wait until the world was a little more settled and they were a little older, a little more ready to take on this enormous responsibility. They wanted to wait until they had learned a little more about themselves and parenthood in general before bringing a tiny, helpless little person into the world. They weren't even _married_ yet. It had always seemed too selfish to get married while they were busy putting everyone else's lives back together.

A servant took away his first-course dishes, still mostly untouched, and another presented the second course to him.

His uncle would be able to tell him how to deal with this. He'd raised two boys—one of his own, and one who spent the greater part of his adolescence actively trying to avoid being raised. Yes, his uncle would be able to help him. At only sixteen, Aang probably wouldn't be able to offer any practical advice, but he would at least be moral support. He needed them both here. Actually, he needed everyone here. He needed to talk to all of his friends, Aang and Katara and Sokka and Toph and Suki and Ty Lee and the rest. They hadn't all been in the same place in almost a year.

He needed to talk to people. Not just about this, but about everything. He was losing his mind.

"I see that man's time at sea stays with him for the rest of his life, my lord," said Admiral Liang, the barest hint of a smile in the corner of his normally serious mouth.

Zuko blinked a few times, and then looked down at the mantou in his hand, which he had been unthinkingly tapping against the table. His ears flared hot—he was sure his face was bright red. Instinctively, he dropped the bread onto his plate and tucked his hands into his sleeves.

"Sorry," he said automatically. "Uh... I'm sorry if I seem like I'm not listening. I've been a little distracted today. My recent speech... it didn't go over well with some people. What is leadership but compromise and sacrifice, you know." That was something his uncle had once said. Zuko hoped that he got the saying right this time.

"I had hoped to see Lady Mai this evening, my lord," said Madame Chan, her eyes modestly downcast. "I hope she's in good health."

"Yes, she's all right. She went to visit her family in the country." His mouth suddenly went dry and he took a sip of his drink before he could speak again. "She wanted to talk to her mother, I think." At this, Madame Liang's face took on an expression of dawning comprehension and Zuko's heart sank. He should have known better than to say anything. Women _always_ knew—it was like they could smell it, or something. The news would be out before he even got back to his room for the night. Mai would kill him. Actually, he might just do it himself.

"May the spirits bless her journey," Madame Liang said.

"Thank you, on her behalf." His voice cracked, possibly eliciting a stifled giggle from Chan Junior, but he didn't care. All he wanted to do was leave and lie down for a little while.

o.O.o

Mai and her mother sat in a small pavilion in the south garden, surrounded by flowers and the distant calls of birds. A servant poured tea for both of them, bowed, and retreated. Mai's mother took a slow sip, savoring the scent of fine jasmine tea, and set her cup down. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. Mai's mother unsuccessfully tried to read the deadpan expression on her daughter's pale face, and Mai wondered what her mother would say now that she knew about the situation.

"Have you been ill, Mai?" Small talk. Something bigger was coming.

"No." Mai traced the rabbit design painted in black on her white porcelain teacup. She hadn't realized that she was becoming a tea snob until now—she had apparently taken for granted the steady supply of fine tea from the Jasmine Dragon.

"Well, that will come in time. I was sick for almost five months with Tom-Tom."

"I remember."

There was a long pause between them during which Mai sipped her tea out of politeness and her mother scrutinized the young woman across the table from her.

"Mai, I thought I told you about certain herbs, and how a woman can use them to her advantage..."

"At the same time, you told me that herbs are _never_ foolproof," Mai said. She had known this lecture was coming. But she had been responsible and resented her mother's implicit accusation that somehow this was her fault. She'd used the special herbs for over three years without a failure, until now.

"I also told you that there are other varieties, should the preventative measures fail."

"I've already considered it. My answer is no."

"Some men do not respond well to surprises like these."

"I've already told him, and he's okay with it," Mai said. Her fingers tightened on the teacup. "Or were you talking about Dad when you got pregnant with me?"

Her mother's eyes flashed, and the two of them sat in belligerent silence until a slight breeze blew through the pavilion and broke up the tension. Mai looked down at her tea. She already felt guilty for saying such things, but she couldn't bring herself to feel sorry. Even so, she felt a twinge inside of her that she thought she had trained herself to ignore—the feeling of knowing that she and her mother would never get along, not really, no matter how much things continued to get better. And they had gotten better, sort of.

"We always wanted to have a family together eventually," Mai said in a much more mild tone. "We weren't planning on having one this _soon_ , but someday. I just... I just wanted to come to you for advice. And... I haven't seen you in a while. Or Dad, or Tom-Tom." At this, her mother looked slightly mollified, and the almost-tangible chill seemed to lift from their table.

"Well," said the older woman. She drew herself up in her chair, apparently rising to the challenge. "A child is an immense responsibility for anyone, but especially for you, since the child you carry is the heir to the throne."

"Will be, once Zuko and I get married," Mai corrected her gently. "Which we're going to have to do before the baby's born, otherwise he or she won't be able to inherit anything."

Mai's mother did that _face_ again, the one she always did when reminded that her daughter was living with her lover without any sort of formal agreement—marriage, engagement, or otherwise. It looked like she was simultaneously sucking on a lemon and being suffocated by her collar. If Mai had not trained herself to school her emotions, she would have laughed aloud.

"Even before then, you have to prepare." Mai's mother said once she had composed herself. There was still a hint of disapproval in her voice, which Mai suspected wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. "There are foods you should eat, and foods you should not. Certain things are inauspicious and should be avoided, and of course, it will take quite a bit of time to pick out the proper name."

"Yes, I know about all of that," Mai said, slightly annoyed. "I just want to know..." She trailed off, unable to find the words for what exactly she wanted. How frustrating. She always knew exactly what to say, something she had developed in the political arena. But what _did_ she even want to know? Her mother waited patiently, hands folded on the tabletop. Mai sighed and tried to wave it off, but inside, she was unsettled. She knew she wanted _something_ , but she didn't know what it was. Something only her mother could give her. Maybe.

"Walk with me," Mai's mother said, putting her teacup down. Obediently, Mai followed suit.

The two women stood, left the pavilion, and began a leisurely tour of the garden. Mai was careful not to let any emotion show on her face, no matter how much her mother tried to guess what she was thinking. Mai didn't really know _what_ she was thinking. Well, confusion was an emotion, and she banished it from her face for the time being.

"I am proud of you, Mai." Mai's eyes bugged slightly and she looked incredulously over at the older woman, momentarily speechless. "This isn't the way I had planned for things to go, and I know it wasn't your plan either. But I admire the mature, responsible woman you have become, and I know that you will bring your family great honor and great joy, no matter what happens."

"Thank you, Mom."

As they walked and talked, the cynic inside of Mai started to come out, little by little. She had gotten better at looking for the bright side, but no matter what she did these days or how many friends she had, it was always in her nature to assume the worst.

Even though her mother's words sounded genuine, Mai wondered if she would say the same things if Zuko were a lawyer, or an engineer, or some other boring, ordinary profession.


	3. Advice

Still stuck in his own thoughts and worries, Zuko barely stirred when the door to his office flew open in a whirlwind and a blur of bright yellow and orange sailed toward his desk. He didn't register that Aang was standing right in front of him until Momo was in his lap, methodically searching his robes for treats.

"Hi, Zuko!"

Zuko rubbed his eyes. "Aang? Uh, I guess I'm dreaming."

"I'm definitely here. You look terrible, what happened?"

"I couldn't sleep last night, so I thought I'd try to get some work done."

Aang cast a critical eye over the desk, with all its scattered papers, rings of spilled tea, and ink splotches. "When was the last time you had a day off?"

"Do you have days off as the Avatar?" Zuko said grumpily. He unearthed a bowl of peaches from a pile of papers and shooed Momo toward it. The lemur perched on the desk, selected a peach, and began nibbling.

"I guess not. But I do get to _rest_ every once in a while." Aang also took a peach and sat on the edge of Zuko's desk. "So what did you want to talk to me about? If the Earth Kings are acting up again, I think I can help you there. I just got back from a summit of Earth Kings in Omashu and I think we made some progress."

"No, that's not it. The Earth Kings have been pretty helpful, actually, unlike my own people." He sighed and searched the collection of mismatched cups on his desk for any remaining tea. "It's... it's about Mai..."

"What happened? Is everything all right? You guys... you guys didn't break up, did you?"

"No! No. Everything's fine with us. It's just that..." Zuko ran his fingers through his unbound hair and the next words came out in a rush. "Aang, we're going to have a baby."

Aang's boyish face split into a huge grin. "Congratulations, Zuko! That's so exciting!"

"No... Aang, you don't understand. I'm scared out of my wits right now. I don't know what to do, I just barely figured out how to run my own life, I don't have any idea how to raise a child! My whole nation hates me and wants me dead, and now I'm going to have... a _baby_ to try and protect. I don't have a single clue. I'm too young for this," he said before he could stop himself. It had been a while before he had felt too _young_ to do something. He had been forced to live the life of an adult at thirteen, and at seventeen had been crowned the youngest Firelord in three hundred years. And now, at barely twenty, he was being given the responsibility to care for a supremely vulnerable little person the way his own father had never cared for him.

"You told me yourself that if you hadn't been banished, you would have been married at sixteen, and people would have started to talk if you _didn't_ have a kid by the time you were twenty," Aang pointed out.

" _Everything_ would have been different if I hadn't been banished," Zuko said darkly. Aang conceded the point with a shrug.

"Even so. You've already done more things and had more experiences than most people ever will. You may not know exactly what you're doing, but no one does, really. It's not like there are instructions for life." He took a big bite of the peach. "Besides. At the very least, you know what _not_ to do."

"I guess you're right," Zuko said, still not reassured. Aang's precocious wisdom didn't surprise him anymore, but like anyone, Avatar or otherwise, he'd been wrong enough times in the past to prevent Zuko from completely trusting every word he said.

"And you always have all of us to help with whatever you need. And your uncle. Have you written to him yet?"

"Yeah. I wrote to you and him at the same time. Which means he should hopefully be here soon."

"How's Mai? Where is she?"

"She's fine. She went to go see her mom."

"Really? I thought they didn't get along."

"They don't. Their relationship is a lot like Toph's relationship with her parents."

"So I guess it must be _getting_ better."

"A little." Zuko sighed and leaned back. Toph's relationship with her parents was indeed getting better, slowly but surely, as her father gradually learned to let go and see how powerful and independent his daughter was. Mai's mother, however, had an iron will and would not admit defeat that easily. "How are Katara and Sokka?"

"As good as ever. Right now Katara's helping heal people while everyone's trying to get all the refugees and prisoners of war sorted out, and Sokka's helping with logistics. I'm with them most of the time, but lately I've been flying all over the place so much that I hardly know where I am anymore!" He sounded a little too cheerful about that.

"Well, I hope you're planning on staying here long enough for your brain to catch up."

"Yeah, definitely. I'm starving, for one, and Appa loves your guards."

They moved to a small dining room a few doors down, and two hours later just sat talking with the remains of a delicious vegetarian meal on the table between them.

"So," said Aang. "Uncle Aang. I like the sound of that." He took the last steamed dumpling, doused it in sauce, and took a big bite. He seemed to be a bottomless pit these days, and for good reason—Zuko remembered the exact day when he realized he was looking the teenage Avatar in the eye and not down at his bald head. "I'm going to spoil your kid rotten."

"I think all of you are. Except Katara."

"The rest of us will make up for it." Aang grinned. "But maybe not. You should see her with babies sometime—she's _defenseless_."

"Yeah, she melts over Tom-Tom whenever she sees him. And he's five, so it's not like it's only babies, either."

There was a pause in which Aang helped himself to some more pickled cucumber. "So... are you and Mai going to get married?"

"Yeah. Soon. I don't know when, though. We'll have to talk about it when she gets back." Zuko poured himself and Aang some more tea. Although his uncle greatly appreciated green tea, Zuko was starting to develop a preference for black.

"It's not like it would be that big of an adjustment, right? I mean, you guys are basically married anyway."

"Yeah." Zuko drained his cup and grimaced. The pot had gone cold. "So, uh... what about you and Katara? Have you guys..."

"Not yet."

"Really? Huh."

"We're just not ready yet," Aang said around a mouthful of food.

"There's nothing wrong with that. It's not a race."

"Yeah. Plus, it is kind of hard to find alone time with Sokka always making sure we're never out of his sight." He rolled his eyes.

"I can imagine."

Aang eyed the last remaining fruit tart. "Hey, are you going to eat that?"

* * *

Anger bubbled underneath Mai's calm exterior as she stepped out of the carriage and started to walk quickly up to the front doors of the palace. She didn't bother to wait or even look back at her mother, who followed her across the courtyard.

She was half furious at herself. Why couldn't she say no? She was _always_ the one who said no! She was the one who put her foot down and made sure Zuko wouldn't do something he'd regret later. She said no to Earth Kings, Fire Nation Nobles, and even the Avatar on occasion. She had said no first to Azula, and then to Suki, asserting her right to choose what she did with the rest of her life.

So why couldn't she say no to her mother? Why had she agreed to let her stay and hang over her head until after the baby was born?

Stupid. Simply ridiculous.

The long carriage ride from the country estate had not helped matters. Mai's mother had talked the entire time about wedding plans and baby plans and just about everything else that Mai would have preferred to discuss privately with Zuko.

She had wasted no time. As soon as Mai told her the news, she had started planning. In a desperate attempt to escape this constant... _micro-management_ , Mai had cut the visit short and announced that she would be returning to the Capital the very next day. As soon as the volcano appeared on the horizon, she relaxed. There would be a cozy little parlor somewhere in the palace where her mother could plan to her heart's content without constantly breathing down Mai's neck.

Even so, she could already tell that her mother was going to try and... _mother_ her. Just as she had done years ago, in ways that had nearly broken her only daughter for good. Mai suspected that her first act would be to try to make her and Zuko sleep in separate bedrooms until the wedding—fat chance of that.

The door guards bowed and let her in. She picked up speed, tracing a familiar path through the hallways to her and Zuko's bedroom, fists clenched at her sides.

Zuko was waiting for her about halfway there, looking tired, rumpled, and worried. His face lit up upon seeing her, and he rushed forward, arms open wide and welcoming. She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and brushed past, leaving him seeming slightly dejected in her wake. Aang, who was leaning against the wall further down the hallway and eating a rice ball, smiled and waved.

"Hi, Mai!"

"Hi." She continued walking. Zuko followed her to the bedroom, leaving Aang to entertain Mai's mother for a few minutes while they had a short talk of their own. He shut the door behind them.

Alone, finally. Mai felt her shoulders loosen up now that they were in their own quiet, private sanctuary, where they could finally talk. This time, she wrapped her arms around him and leaned into his warm embrace, just resting her head on his shoulder and not saying anything for a little while.

"I'm glad you're back," he murmured. "I missed you."

"I was only gone for three days, silly," she said with a smile. She had missed him too.

"I guess your mom wouldn't take no for an answer?" She could hear the smile in his voice and wrinkled her nose.

"I couldn't seem to _say_ no," she admitted. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We can make sure she has enough projects to keep her busy for a while."

Mai looked up at him. "Zuko... marry me?"

"Okay." He pressed his lips to hers.

It took a few moments for both of them to realize what had just happened.

"So, uh, I guess we're going to have to come up with a better proposal story to tell our kid someday," Mai said. Her face felt hot and she couldn't quite suppress a smile. Zuko chuckled and cupped her face in his hands.

"Good enough for me," he said.

"Me too." They kissed again and left the bedroom to join the others, fingers intertwined.

Mai hid a smile at the sight of Aang trying to make small talk with her mother. She would probably never forget that the Avatar had "kidnapped" her son, no matter how many witnesses there were of Tom-Tom crawling off to follow Momo. Perhaps that fact stung a little too much—it didn't reflect very well on her parenting.

"So. Um." Zuko briefly let go of Mai's hand to exchange bows with her mother. "Welcome, Lady Yao."

"Thank you, Firelord."

There was a short, awkward silence, punctuated by Aang's steady munching. The sound of swift footsteps approaching from down the hall broke up the uncomfortable tableau, even more so when the newcomer was revealed to be none other than General Iroh, dressed for traveling and looking slightly sheepish. Zuko's face immediately brightened.

"Uncle!"

"Ah, Nephew. I am sorry to be so late." He looked from the expression of slight panic in Zuko's eyes, to Mai's faint blush, to Aang—Zuko's best friend and confidant—and finally to Mai's mother, whose mere presence indicated something very serious.

Without saying a word, he put it all together. A knowing smile spread across his wise face.

"I see," he said. "I think it would be best if we talked over tea, Firelord Zuko."


	4. Interlude: A Good Plan

"This is the opportunity we've been waiting for."

"Are you sure? There may be an opening that is a little less... risky."

"Look, this is going to be risky no matter how we do it. This way is perfect. It might take longer than I had planned, but the reward will be worth it."

"If they decide not to get married after all, our plans will count for nothing. Everything has to be exact... I don't know, there's too many things that could go wrong."

"No, that much is certain. Her mother wouldn't shut up about it. The gossip from his office is that it'll be announced within the week. Everything is going right so far. We have more than enough time to come up with something. Stop worrying so much."

"I'm not worrying. I'm making sure you're not rushing headlong into this."

"Oh, please. I'm not _him_. Besides, I know the laws of legitimacy and inheritance. Been studying them for years. I already have a few ideas."

"Are they good ones?"

"What do you take me for? Don't answer that."

"It's a decent plan—don't get a big head. Everything has to be perfect. But short of any big surprises, I think it just might work. Even so, you should refrain from making any moves for a little while. In case things don't work out the way you planned."

"I've waited for three years for an opportunity like this one. I think I can wait a little longer."


	5. Help and Comfort

Mai drummed her fingers on the desk. Beneath her mask, she was annoyed. This particular nobleman had clearly not come to the palace to have an audience with the Firelord's fiancee in her office instead of the throne room, but that was all he would be getting. And he'd better be grateful, too. All of these idiots would need to just deal with the fact that she was going to be Zuko's political equal, no matter how many past royal consorts stayed out of politics completely. She was different. Besides, annoying the Firelord's favorite, no matter her rank or where she came from, was never a good idea.

And on top of that, there was her mother, always interrupting with increasingly trivial concerns regarding the impending wedding...

"I requested an audience with the Firelord," said Lord Tong, finally dispensing with the hints and brittle politeness altogether.

"I'm sure Zhou would be able to schedule one for you," Mai said. "But the outcome will be the same. The military is downsizing, Lord Tong. There is no need for us to keep buying the same amounts of iron from your land when no new tanks or airships are being built."

"It was a twenty-year agreement!"

"A twenty-year agreement that was made six years before the end of the war, when everyone expected the war to continue for _another_ hundred years. Everything is changing, Lord Tong. Between you and me, I would suggest selling your iron out of the country. The Earth Kingdom has taken quite well to our technology and would probably jump at the opportunity to acquire high-quality materials."

"The Firelord will hear about this."

"Of course he will. I was planning to tell him once he wakes up."

That threw the nobleman off a little. The anger on his face gave way slightly to confusion. "Uh... wakes up, my lady?"

"He's in bed with a fever. Too much work, and not enough sleep. He couldn't see you right now even if he wanted to."

"Oh."

"Yes. If you want, you can reschedule an audience with him for a different time, but I should warn you that nothing will change."

Still visibly furious, Lord Tong said nothing further. He bowed deeply and left, leaving Mai quite satisfied with her success in getting him to stop arguing. She enjoyed politics, the way one used words to manipulate and confuse an opponent and kill his argument for good. But sometimes it seemed like a stiletto to the forehead would work just as well.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She needed a nap. Either that or something deep-fried.

All of tomorrow's audiences were canceled, but by the time a gray-faced Zuko had started stumbling around incoherently that morning, it was already too late to cancel today's. It was too much work for one person, which was why they always split the responsibility. It didn't work when one person was delirious with fever and the other was almost too tired to function.

Mai laid a hand on her belly. The firm bump was still small enough to be hidden in folds of cloth, but it was affecting her all the same. Everyone had always told her about the queasiness, the weird cravings, the fatigue, the general soreness and annoying mood swings. It turned out that merely being told about such things did not make her adequately prepared.

Just to make everything worse, her mother came in the side door.

"Mai, you still haven't decided which shoes to wear for the wedding," she said.

"That's because they all make my feet look like skis."

"Well, if you hadn't insisted on always wearing army boots as a teenager, I'm sure we wouldn't have this problem."

"I wore army boots _because_ shoes made for people with regular-sized feet looked ridiculous on me."

"You wore them because you knew I disliked them," Mai's mother retorted.

"Point."

"Are you going to wear boots under your wedding dress?"

"Maybe."

"Of course you won't. Come on, there were a few pairs that you liked—the ones with the gold filigree on the toes, and the ones with all the little pearls, remember? Shao brought over a few more pairs that I want you to take a look at."

"Mom, I'm tired and I just want to rest. Is that okay?"

The older woman sighed. "Yes, that's fine. These things are going to have to get done sooner or later, you know that."

"Yeah."

Mai stood and exited the room, making a beeline for the royal residence. She wondered why, as a woman, she was supposed to get excited about her wedding. It was pretty much a formality anyway, but one for which she had to get all dressed up and smile for people. She never understood why girls planned their weddings _years_ in advance and knew every detail before they even met the guy they would marry. It wasn't _that_ exciting. Mai was already fully committed to the man she loved, and an official piece of paper saying that they were fully committed to each other didn't make their connection any more legitimate than it already was.

The bedroom was still dark when she opened the door. Good. That meant that he hadn't tried to escape. Quietly, she shut the door behind her and came up to the bedside where Zuko lay, looking pale and uncomfortable even in sleep. A damp towel that had once been cool rested on his forehead; Mai removed it and stroked his face. Still too warm. Well, the longer he slept, the better.

He stirred slightly when she withdrew her hand. His eyelids fluttered and he blinked sleepily in her direction.

"Mai?"

"Shh. Just go back to sleep."

"Feeling okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Not really."

"You need to rest some more. You'll feel better later." She brushed his hair away from his forehead, and he seemed to relax under her touch.

"Mai," he said after a long pause. "What did you put in my tea?"

Carefully, Mai put her hands in her sleeves. Her heart sped up a little. "Nothing," she said. "It was just regular tea."

"Uh-huh." He obviously wasn't convinced, but couldn't hold onto that thought for too long. His eyelids drooped and once again he drifted off, his chest rising and falling slowly under the covers. Mai watched his sleeping face for a moment before circling around to the other side of the bed and curling up next to him. He spoke again just as she was about to doze off. "Don't want you to get what I've got."

"I won't. Stop worrying."

"Can't."

"Well, you should." She snuggled closer, both arms wrapped around one of his. "I need a nap and I'm not having it anywhere else."

"You're upset about something."

"No I'm not. _You_ need to go back to sleep."

"I'm not going back to sleep until you tell me what's bothering you."

Mai sighed. No matter what she put in his tea (not that she _did_ ), he was in one of those moods. He'd fight it. Well, he was the sick one. She decided to humor him. "Just my mom. She wants to make me try on shoes and scold me for wearing army boots. She thinks that they made my feet big somehow."

"I like your big feet. And I like it when you wear army boots."

Mai smiled into his sleeve. "Whatever. Now go to sleep, you big dork."

He laughed, burst into a fit of coughing, and then giggled a little. He went back to sleep mid-laugh.

* * *

Two weeks later, it was Mai's turn to be sick, but for a different reason.

"I think I threw up my liver," she deadpanned.

Zuko stroked her loose hair and reached for a nearby cup and pitcher. He poured some water and gave it to Mai, who still looked slightly green. They sat on the floor of the bedroom, Zuko in his royal robes and Mai in her nightgown. She leaned against his chest, holding a chamber pot in her lap.

"Does _any_ food sound good to you?"

"Don't say that word."

"Uh..."

" _Food_." Suddenly, she blanched and leaned over the pot in anticipation. Nothing happened. "Ugh. False alarm. Just don't say that word."

"Okay."

They were silent for a little while. Mai breathed deeply while Zuko held her hair back, just in case. Today was the worst so far. Usually she just felt icky for a few hours, and it would go away before noon. But today it was already mid-afternoon and she still felt horrible.

"I feel like death."

"When did your mom say this would stop?"

"She's not helpful. She just talks about how she was sick for five months before she had my brother." Mai closed her eyes. "I hope it doesn't last that long." There was a soft knock at the door. Mai dragged a nearby blanket over and draped it over her nightgown. "Come in." It was Captain Jee, looking slightly uncomfortable at the sight that greeted him when he opened the door, particularly Mai's "I want to murder the universe" expression.

"Sir, the meeting is supposed to start in ten minutes."

"Which one is it again?" Zuko rubbed his forehead. Maybe Aang was onto something when it came to days off...

"Coordinating more troop withdrawals with the high generals."

"Do I even have to say anything?"

"Not unless you want to, I think. They'll be doing most of the work."

"All right. Have Yi Min sit in for me and have Zhou deliver the notes to my desk afterwards. Today is not a good day for this."

"Yes sir." The door closed with a snap, leaving Zuko and Mai to themselves once again. Mai squeezed Zuko's knee.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Did you want me to leave you to throw up your liver by yourself?"

Mai said nothing. She was about to say that she could ask her mother to come and hold her hair back, but both of them knew two things: Mai was too stubborn to ask, and her mother would probably not think to volunteer. Just because things were better than they had been did not mean that they wanted to cuddle and share stories of womanly misery.

"What do you think it'll be like?" Mai said at last. "Being parents."

"I don't know. I mean, I've thought about it, but every time I just... can't seem to wrap my mind around it. Uncle tried to help, but I couldn't put my questions into words." He sighed. "What do _you_ think it'll be like?"

"I don't know either. Sometimes I feel like having my mom here is helping, but other times it just makes me more confused."

"Maybe it's one of those things that we'll just have to figure out as it happens."

"Zuko, for you, that's _everything_ you do."

"Yeah..."

Mai sighed and placed the chamber pot on the floor next to her, nearby in case she needed it in a hurry. Her hands went to her belly, absently tracing the barely-there curve. Zuko went from obediently holding her hair in a single ponytail to burying his fingers in the silky black mass. Mai's hair, when loose like this, was long enough for her to sit on. He slowly combed his hands through the length of it, from her scalp all the way to the very ends. She closed her eyes and leaned back into his touch.

"I love you. Don't stop."

"I won't. Are you feeling any better?"

"No. I just ran out of stuff to throw up. And you doing that to my hair helps distract me." One of her hands went to Zuko's knee again. "Bao Yu sent me some flowers when she heard that I would have to take a break from lessons until after the baby is born."

"Who's she? One of the girls from your class?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure she's trying to get a spot as lady-in-waiting once I'm Firelady." Mai smiled slightly. "She has an eye for politics, I can tell. I wonder if she can walk the walk instead of just _seeming_ like she knows how the royal court works."

"Maybe her mother put her up to it?"

"No, her mother's dead. Could be an older female relative, I suppose. Or more likely, a prospective husband. And there's always the possibility she's doing it for her own ambitions, but she's seventeen and sheltered. I wouldn't bet on it." She didn't seem as sick when she talked politics. Zuko almost suggested just talking politics all the time to keep from feeling sick, but then she shuddered slightly, grabbed for the chamber pot, and coughed up what little was left in her stomach.

"Do you want anything? Anything at all," Zuko said once she had recovered.

"I want to not feel sick. That's it." She leaned back against him. He wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the clean, slightly flowery scent of her hair that contrasted with the general sourness about the room. "That, and a wedding where I can wear army boots and not have anyone over but close friends."

"Is your mom still upset about the boot thing?"

"She'll _always_ be upset about that. It's her loss. She'll never know that they're comfortable and made for even huge-footed people like me."

Zuko chuckled and kissed the top of her head. He may not know anything about parenthood, but he knew that this, being with Mai and sharing his life with her, was something about which he had never been uncertain.


	6. Past and Present

Zuko woke with a start.

Disoriented in the darkness, he struggled to take deep breaths against the tight panic in his chest. Once he had regained his composure and his heart had returned to a normal rate, he blinked several times, reassuring himself that the dark bedroom all around him was actually what he was seeing.

 _This isn't the Agni Kai arena. I'm in my room. I'm in my bed. It was just a dream._

But it had felt so _real_ , and that much more terrifying for the three years that had passed without having that same dream even once.

He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, which was slightly damp with sweat. He needed some fresh air. The room felt like it was closing in on him, and he couldn't quite shake the feeling that if he went back to sleep again, the dream would come back. Once that particular wound was reopened, it wouldn't be healing any time soon.

He slipped out of bed, quietly, so as not to disturb Mai. She needed her rest more than ever. The door that led out to their private balcony was slightly open to let in a breeze—the night was still sultry, even though the calendar said that autumn had set in a while ago. He stepped outside and sat down on the edge of the balcony, legs dangling over the side, forehead resting against the railing. He closed his eyes and sighed. A gentle breeze sent shivers down his spine as it cooled the back of his neck.

Three years. He'd been free of the nightmare for as long as he had suffered from it in the first place, during the darkest years of his life. And now it was back.

He wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there when Mai's reassuring warmth settled beside him. She took one of his hands and stroked his fingers with a soft touch. She didn't say anything about the dream, which was fine, because Zuko didn't really feel like talking about it.

"It's okay, Zuko. Everything's going to be fine."

"I know."

They sat in silence, listening to the sounds of squirrel-frogs and splashing fish in the garden beneath them.

"I wonder what he thought," Zuko said at last. "My father. Before I was born. I wonder what he was planning on doing with me. Before he decided he didn't like me."

"It doesn't matter what he thought. You're different in every way that matters."

"Still. I just... wonder sometimes."

"You don't have to." Mai scooted closer. "We're not going to be like our parents. It's that simple. We know what they did, and we know why it was wrong. We're not going to be like that." There was something in her voice that made Zuko look over at her, a slight frown creasing his brow. She sounded like she was trying to... reassure herself.

"Mai... you know that you're not going to be like your mother, either," he said slowly. She looked up at him, eyes shadowed underneath her bangs. Before she spoke, she looked back out at the garden and squeezed his hand. Her face was perfectly blank, pale eyes staring off at something in the distance.

"Having her here makes me realize how much we have in common," she said. "I always hoped we had the _right_ things in common, and that somehow I didn't get the bad stuff. But now..." she shrugged. "I guess I have no place telling you that you're going to be all right, when I don't even know about me."

Zuko pulled her close to him, and she rested her cheek on his shoulder. "We know what not to do," he said, echoing her. "That's all we know. But it's better than nothing."

* * *

The dream, followed by the subsequent loss of sleep, put Zuko in a foul mood the next day. Mai was no happier, especially given how she was being dragged into more wedding preparations, but at least she managed to control who _knew_ that she was in a bad mood. Her face betrayed nothing. She refrained, however narrowly, from stabbing anyone or anything, and said nothing that might offend the people around her. She might not be in the mood to make nice, but she also wasn't in the mood for a fight.

Her mother had been given free reign of a comfortable apartment in the palace, complete with a spacious parlor in which she conducted all of her wedding planning. A small part of Mai felt that she should be grateful for all the effort her mother was putting into making the ceremony and celebration memorable, but mostly she was just annoyed at how little say she had in any of this.

"Do you like more of a pure red, or something like this nice burgundy?" Servants held out cloth swatches while Mai's mother asked the questions. Mai put her feet up and reached for a bowl of candied nuts nearby. It wasn't even noon, and she was already exhausted.

"Neither."

"Well, what color do you want, Mai?" Her mother sounded irritated.

"I don't know."

"Do you even _care_ what your own wedding gown looks like?"

Mai just sighed and halfheartedly crunched a handful of nuts. Her whole body ached—she grimaced and positioned a small, firm couch pillow behind her back. If she was going to endure this while she was so tired and cranky, she might as well be comfortable.

Her mother seemed to sympathize, just a little. Her expression softened. "Maybe a pale gold silk, with a red sash."

Mai shrugged. "All right, whatever, what do you have in mind?"

All of the gold cloth samples that her mother showed her looked the same to her. Yeah, some of them had a different weave and they were all slightly different shades of light gold, but in the end, they were just yellow cloth. Mai sighed and ran a finger over the prettier ones, testing the feel of the fabric against her skin.

"This one," she said, selecting a creamy brocade. It had a faint pattern of pointy leaves embroidered onto the silk. They reminded her of knives—a subtlety that her mother probably wouldn't catch. Mai considered it her own little gesture of rebellion.

"Hm. Very pretty." There was something warm and unfamiliar in the older woman's voice, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. She set aside the sample and waved over a servant with a notebook. "I'll have Long come over tomorrow for a fitting. There's still so much to do before the wedding, and not enough time... have you decided what foods you would like at the banquet?"

"I can't."

"And why not?"

"A different food makes me sick every day."

"All right, how about the flowers? Or the music? Or which of your cousins you want in the wedding party?"

"I don't really care, okay? I'm fine with anything, as long as the color orange isn't involved." Mai rubbed her eyes. Some women had a _dream wedding_ as lavish as the one her mother was planning. Right now, Mai's dream wedding involved a single sage to officiate and fewer than twenty guests, all of which she knew personally. Better yet, they could skip the sage and just have Aang marry them. She'd wear something nice from the clothes she already had in her closet, shoes that she could comfortably stand around in, and the same jewelry and makeup she wore all the time. Then they'd all have a picnic and light some fireworks, if they felt like it. That was it. Simple, painless, and meaningful to _her_. No mile-long guest list full of people she didn't know. No banquet that may or may not make her throw up. No endless parade of designers hired by her mother to make her miserable in creative ways.

But she was to be the Firelady. It was her job to set trends and bring as much honor to her family as possible. If she suggested this plan to her mother, war would break out right there in the parlor.

"I'm giving you choices, Mai. I suggest you take them if you want your wedding to turn out the way you want."

Mai felt it again, that twinge of guilt. But she gritted her teeth and made herself listen to what her mother was really saying. No, there were no choices. Not once had she asked Mai what she really wanted—the choices she did get came with parameters, or they were choices from a set of pre-approved options. This was the way it always had been. Now Mai was a grown woman, but nothing had changed from when she was a little girl.

"I said it doesn't matter."

"I can't believe you're not excited by this. I never thought I'd meet a young woman who cared this little about her own wedding."

"It's a formality," Mai sighed. "Nothing's going to change once we're married, and I don't see why the wedding itself that big of a deal."

Her mother looked scandalized again as she was reminded of her daughter's cohabitation. Mai thought it would almost be worth it to never get married and to keep that look on her mother's face for the rest of time.

* * *

That night, Zuko stayed up late, a single candle burning on his desk in the bedroom. He was just finishing up a letter to the Earth King, who had written to him asking for advice on dealing with unpopularity with some of the people close to him. Zuko was flattered that Kuei would write to him instead of someone who had been ruling for longer, but discouraged. His reputation with both nobles and commoners was no secret throughout the world. At least people kind of liked him in the Earth Kingdom, according to Aang. That would have been nice if he actually had any jurisdiction over them.

Furthermore, he wasn't quite sure what he should say in the way of advice. He didn't even know what he was doing most of the time. All he could say was that it was impossible to please everyone all the time and to make compromises wherever wise.

Marginally satisfied with what he had written, he sighed and put his brush down. It was probably past midnight, but he didn't want to sleep. Even though the thought of sleep sounded great and Mai looked so comfortable, already nestled in bed with her hair spreading like a dark cloud around her face. But after last night... he didn't want that again. Not after years of hard-earned freedom.

He sat back and ran his fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and just thought for a moment.

 _Fatherhood._ What did it mean?

An image of a little girl flashed in his mind. She wore her hair like Mai used to, in two buns covered with red silk. Her shoes were muddy, and there were grass stains on her knees—roses stood out in her cheeks, and her eyes sparkled with happiness. She giggled and ran away—something in her eyes, in her laugh, invited him to chase her, to follow her to wherever she was hiding.

He imagined a boy, neat, quiet, and sensitive. He wore glasses and read books, folding the pages over and carefully putting the book back before going out to play. He didn't play rough games, but went looking for bugs in the grass when his friends got too rowdy. They made fun of him. He didn't mind. He picked a mantis-cricket out of the grass and held it up for Zuko to see.

The young Firelord opened his eyes and stared blankly at the wall in front of him.

Would he be the father whose daughter invited him to play with her? Would his son be able to show him an insect and receive genuine interest in return?

Yes.

Zuko would be that father.

It didn't matter who his own father was or what happened years ago. His future was now. The future of his family was now. And he was going to decide what to do with it.

He extinguished the candle and quietly climbed into bed.


	7. Insight

Bao Yu stepped out of her palanquin and ascended the steps to the royal palace. Servants bowed as the guards let her in, and one of Lady Mai's personal maids was waiting for her at the door. She bowed low as the young noblewoman approached.

"This way, Lady Bao Yu. My lady is expecting you."

Hands tucked in her sleeves, Bao Yu took in her surroundings as the maid led her through the spacious palace hallways. She had visited the palace for the first time as a child, under the reign of Firelord Azulon. Most of the place was the same, but like many other visitors, she could say that there was much more natural light these days. Fewer torches, more windows. Or so it seemed. And unlike before, the sight of someone in blue or green was common.

She followed the maid to a parlor already full of other women in every color. The room had a festive, casual atmosphere, the smell of tasty food and smoky incense filling the air. Lady Mai sat in the center, talking to an astonishingly dirty Earth Kingdom girl who was lying on the floor with her feet up on a pillow. Bao Yu was slightly shocked at the sight, but then realized that the girl must be Lady Toph Bei Fong, the Avatar's friend, whose earthbending prowess was legendary even in the Fire Nation. She had never expected to be in the same room as her.

Immediately following this realization, she spotted a lovely girl in blue talking to one of the other guests. She could only be Master Katara of the Water Tribe, another war hero, and the Avatar's girlfriend.

Bao Yu started to feel light-headed from the sheer magnitude of everyone in the room until Lady Mai called her over.

"Bao Yu," she said, indicating an empty chair next to her. "Please, sit with me." She had a small smile in the corner of her mouth, but her expression betrayed nothing. Bao Yu bowed first and then sat down in the chair.

"Thank you for inviting me, my lady."

"My pleasure. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes please."

Lady Mai poured a carved jade cup of very fine white tea for Bao Yu with her own hand. The younger woman thanked her and took a sip. It wouldn't have been too far off to say that it was the best tea she had ever tasted, like flowers and sunshine in her mouth.

"It's good, isn't it? The Firelord's uncle owns a tea shop in Ba Sing Se, and he's downright tyrannical when it comes to the quality of his products. We buy all our tea from him."

Bao Yu could tell that the Lady did not invite her here for small talk and tea. Not when she could—and did—invite the likes of Lady Toph and Master Katara for the same. Not when she was the only member of the fighting class in attendance. Her heart beat faster within her chest, but she schooled her features and kept a firm grip on her teacup so that Lady Mai wouldn't see her hand shaking.

Just then, she noticed that another woman was busy tracing intricate designs on Lady Mai's other hand in thick henna paste. A quick glance at the Lady's feet proved that they were bare and also decorated up to her ankles. Such things were curious and rare in the Capital.

"I didn't know you were from the West, my lady," Bao Yu said.

"I'm not. My father's family came to the Capital generations ago, but this is one of the old traditions we kept. It's customary for a bride-to-be to invite her friends and family to a party a few days before the wedding, where her hands and feet are painted, like so." At this, Lady Mai regarded Bao Yu with a cool stare.

Bao Yu considered herself to be pretty good at reading other people. Once she met Lady Mai, she learned two things: the Lady was both impossible to read and a master at reading others. Behind those golden-gray eyes was a mind as sharp as one of her knives, decoding every tiny twitch and painting a complete picture. She was as intelligent as she was elegant. And people wondered how she had managed to secure the Firelord for herself.

"They're beautiful, my lady."

"Thank you. Who knows, maybe it'll start a trend." She took a sip of her own tea. "Do _you_ have any marriage prospects?"

"Not yet. My grandmother wants to arrange a marriage, but to be honest I find it old-fashioned." At this, the Lady's lips perked up at the corners.

"You might be surprised how well an arranged marriage can work out," she said. "The Firelord and I were betrothed as children. The agreement was never renewed when he returned from exile, but by that point it didn't matter, and neither of us would stand for an arrangement with someone else." Bao Yu's mouth dropped open. "Why so shocked? It happens."

"Tell that to the Northern Water Tribe," Master Katara chimed in. "It seems like they go out of their way to set people up who hate each other."

"Maybe," said Lady Mai, affecting a bored drawl. "But we're talking about a country where women were never expected to only use their bending to cook food for their husbands."

"Hear, hear!" said a woman from across the room. The realization that she was a famed Kyoshi Warrior was a little surreal.

Master Katara looked slightly offended, but just for a moment, and then her good-natured smile returned, but it had a somewhat strained quality to it, as if she were fighting the urge to argue simply because it wasn't her party. "Yours is just one of the success stories," she said. "I know I wouldn't stand for it."

When the room had returned to its former buzz, Lady Mai turned back to Bao Yu. "As you can see, I keep very stimulating company," she said. World's biggest understatement. "I can tell you've adjusted well even since you came in."

"I'm not sure I would say that, my lady. I have only seen Master Katara once before, and from a distance. It's a little daunting to be in the same room as her."

"She's not really that scary. Overbearing, yes, sometimes. But she's very nice. I think you'll like her."

Bao Yu caught the layered meaning in that statement. Her breath stopped in her throat. "I'm sure I would, if I had the privilege of associating with her," she said, slowly and carefully.

"You will." Lady Mai smiled again, wider this time. Bao Yu's heart was racing now; she had to put her teacup down to avoid spilling it all over herself.

"I am honored, my lady."

"Hmm. Now, my baby's coming in about six months, so I'm going to need a lot of help."

"Of course, my lady."

"You seem like you've studied, and with a little practice, you'll be able to play my game like none other. You have a good eye." At this, Bao Yu blushed and looked at her hands. Lady Mai chuckled softly. "And you know how to put on a show. You're not shy. You've been setting this up for years."

Bao Yu swallowed and looked up. "Perhaps," she said. "But it was still a surprise to be invited here today."

"Yes... I'm sure it was." Lady Mai grinned into her tea.

The rest of the party passed in a blur of conversations that Bao Yu never expected to ever have, tasty food, and general levity. When the designs on the Lady's hands and feet were finished, everyone gathered around to admire the finished product. Hidden in the intricate curls and traditional symbols were the stylized images of knives.

After the party was over, the same maidservant escorted Bao Yu back out to her palanquin. A green-robed man in a wide hat watched her the whole time. She could feel his eyes on the back of her head even when she turned away.

* * *

Zuko spotted Mai at the other end of the hallway just as he was headed back to their rooms for the evening. He grinned and walked faster—even a day was too long to be apart from her. When she saw him coming, she removed her hands from her sleeves and showed off the fresh henna designs.

"Beautiful," he said, tracing a finger over a stylized peacock feather.

"They better be," Mai replied. "It took hours." She cupped his face in her hands and gave him a quick kiss. "How was your day?"

"Frustrating."

"The usual?"

"Yeah." He curled his arms around her back and pulled her in closer. "Hoping to do something fun to wind down..."

"I think I know what you have in mind." Mai grinned. Her whisper in his ear sent shivers down his spine. "I may or may not have designs in places other than my hands and feet... want to see if you can find them?"

"Absolutely."

Hand in hand, they walked quickly in the direction of their bedroom... only to be stopped at the door by Iroh and Mai's mother.

"Hi, Mom," said Mai, her voice suddenly flat.

"Uncle," Zuko said, surprised. "When did you get here?"

"Oh, a few hours ago, Nephew. I was just telling Lady Yao that the wedding preparations look magnificent. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Uh... sure, I guess." Both his uncle and Mai's mother wore suspiciously conspiratorial expressions. That look never meant anything good. The older woman took her daughter's arm in her own and smiled a shockingly evil smile.

"Come with me, Mai," she said.

"Why?"

"It's time for you to take a little break from each other until after the wedding."

" _Why?_ " Zuko and Mai demanded at the same time. Mai's mother did not provide a response, but instead just whisked her daughter away down the adjacent hallway. Zuko stared desperately after his fiancee, but she simply gave him a half-apologetic, half-murderous look over her shoulder where her mother couldn't see.

"It's a bit of a tradition, Zuko," said Iroh. "Come on, it's only for a few days. And who knows... the anticipation might make it better later!" He winked, making Zuko cover his eyes in horror.

"I could have gone my whole life without hearing you say that."

His uncle just chuckled and led him down the hallway opposite the one down which Mai and her mother just disappeared.

Zuko's bad mood was still building as they arrived at the rooms where Uncle stayed whenever he visited. He said little as Iroh brewed tea, just brooded in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. Which was fine—Uncle kept up a report on the situation in Ba Sing Se the whole time and didn't seem too perturbed when Zuko offered only one-word responses to questions.

"So," the old general said after some time. "You're getting married in three days."

"Yeah."

"I think I can safely say that yours will be the first _happy_ royal marriage in many, many years." Zuko looked up, eyebrow raised, expecting a more detailed explanation. Uncle poured two cups of ginseng tea and took a sip of his own. "According to the writings, Sozin's grandfather was the last Firelord to truly be in love with his wife. They played together as children, just as you and Mai did, and remained happily married for eighty-seven years."

"What."

"The Firelady died first at one hundred and three years old. The Firelord, who had previously been very robust for his age, followed her two weeks later."

"That's... kind of romantic, I guess." Eighty-seven _years_? Most people didn't even live that long!

"I believe that you and Mai could very well have this sort of life together," Uncle continued. "You have already withstood many trials together and become stronger because of them. But it is a continuing process. You are never _finished_ strengthening your relationship." Zuko nodded. He understood.

"He reigned in peacetime, didn't he?"

"Actually, it was much like the way things are now. The early years of his reign were spent recovering from the war with Chin the Conqueror. Even though the Fire Nation wasn't the instigator that time, it was made more difficult by the fact that he and Avatar Kyoshi didn't see eye-to-eye on many issues."

"I knew I should have studied this stuff."

"It's never too late to start. It was a fascinating time in history."

Maybe it was, but Zuko was still most interested in the fascinating henna designs that Mai might or might not have hidden somewhere on her body. But something about the story bothered him. "Why didn't the Firelords since then learn from him?"

"They all had marriages of political convenience and stayed married simply because they had to." Iroh's face became very serious. "Let your future children marry who they will, and the past will not be repeated."

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about that yet," Zuko replied. "But I'm pretty sure I was planning on it. Subconsciously."

His uncle's smile returned almost immediately. "I'm glad. There's no reason royal marriages should be inherently less happy than anyone else's. Yours is already proof of that."


	8. Infinite Tomorrows

"Why are you so nervous? I can't think of any reason for you to be nervous right now. You're marrying your best friend and the girl of your dreams. Your uncle's going to stay here for almost a _year._ You're surrounded by all of your friends, and all the news from the Earth Kingdom has been good for _weeks_. Zuko, _how are you nervous_?" Sokka stopped Zuko's pacing around the room by grabbing his shoulders and holding him in place.

"I don't know! I can't help it!"

"It's nothing to freak out about," Aang added. He finished off the large fruit tart he was working on and brushed the crumbs from the front of his clothes. "We go out there, I say some words, you guys kiss, and then there's a party!"

"I know. I just can't _make_ myself not be nervous." Zuko lifted his hands to his hair to make sure his crown was firmly in place. He had everything. His robes, which he had not realized were so intricate when he was a prince, were fully assembled. Not a hair was out of place and he was even wearing his lucky pants under his robes. "I mean, I'm so excited for today, but that doesn't make me any less nervous."

"Here, this should help." Sokka pressed a tiny glass into his hand. "Just a little liquid courage."

Zuko paused before drinking it. "This isn't cactus juice again, is it?"

"Come on. Would I do that to you? On your wedding day?" Sokka just grinned. "Well, it does sound kind of funny, but I promise you it's not cactus juice. It doesn't even smell like cactus juice."

Iroh came in just then, looking excited. "It's almost time. Are you ready, Nephew?"

"Almost." Zuko downed the drink, which turned out to be sake. "Okay. Now I'm ready."

"Good!" Iroh sighed and placed both hands on his nephew's shoulders. "Do you remember when you were fifteen years old—"

"I try not to."

"—and you said that you wanted to live out your life alone, and you really meant it?"

"That's so sad," Aang said, unsuccessfully trying to stifle a smile while Sokka giggled into his hand.

"And now look at you! You've grown up, and today you're marrying the love of your life. I could not be happier for you."

"I couldn't be happier either," Zuko said. He felt his cheeks burn as Aang and Sokka continued to giggle behind him. The door burst open just then and Katara poked her head in. Toph leaned against the door jamb next to her. Both of them were all dressed up and ready to go.

"Are you guys ready yet? Mai's mom is starting to drive everyone crazy," Toph reported, frowning slightly. She looked surprisingly polished in a jade-green silk gown and an ornate hairstyle studded with gold and jade. Katara had opted for a gown in the Ba Sing Se style, only blue instead of green.

"You look beautiful," Aang said with just a hint of the shy wistfulness he always had around Katara, despite how comfortable they were with each other. Katara blushed, ducked her head, and plucked at her skirt. Zuko hid a smile. Even after all this time, they could still make each other act like children with crushes. But the distraction was only momentary, as the nervous anticipation returned to squeeze Zuko's chest and make his heart beat its way up into his throat.

"Okay, I think we're ready now," he managed to choke. The girls hurried out, with the rest following them.

"When did Toph get _hot_?" Sokka muttered as they walked.

"I heard that, Scruffy!"

* * *

Mai's mother inserted one last pin into her daughter's elaborately-piled hair. "All done. Very pretty." Gently, she helped Mai turn around without tangling her legs up in her robe, the hem of which pooled around her feet in a puddle of pale gold silk. Mai's mouth dropped open when she looked at herself in the full-length, three-way mirror.

She looked like a _queen_. There was no other way to put it. She hadn't thought it possible—her whole life was spent draping herself in dark, baggy clothes and hoping no one noticed her. She had started experimenting with different colors and styles in the past few years, but _this_... this was something that she had never thought she could achieve.

The color was perfect. Instead of making her skin look washed-out as she had feared it would, it made it look pale and creamy, just the way she always wanted it to. The scarlet sash around her waist accentuated her curves, which were becoming more prominent these days, and provided a striking contrast to the light gold. She had been breaking out lately and therefore requested as little makeup as possible to avoid making it worse, but it turned out a heavy coat wasn't necessary. Her eyes were highlighted with dramatic, dark eyeliner and just a touch of gold dust, and her lips were painted bright red.

"Do you like your makeup?" Ty Lee asked, as cheerful as always, as she put away her kit.

"Yeah," Mai said quietly. "How did you _do_ that?"

"Oh, you know. I wear a lot of makeup. I'm pretty good at applying it now."

Her hands went to her hair, fingers brushing lightly over the glossy knobs that when piled on top of her head were surprisingly heavy. The dark mass was studded all over with pearls and long golden pins. Unbelievable. She had enough trouble getting her hair to do what she wanted, but this was incredible.

"One last thing." her mother held up the shoes, the only pair that didn't look ridiculous on Mai's large feet. When Mai slipped them on, they seemed to make her feet shrink. Magic shoes. She made a mental note to get some more of them.

"I can't believe this," Mai managed to say. "What did all of you _do_ to make me look this good?"

"Not as much as you think," Suki replied. "We just enhanced what was already there. You're too critical of yourself." She smiled. "I can't wait to see Zuko's face when he looks at you for the first time."

"Neither can I." Mai raised an eyebrow. "Have you seen Sokka yet?"

"From a distance." Suki smiled a little, and Mai suspected that she was blushing under her makeup. She also knew what the Warrior was thinking—even if they didn't get back together, there was no better place than a wedding to secure a noncommittal hookup. Then again, that's what Ty Lee and Toph were probably thinking, too. Whatever.

Mai looked over her shoulder at the speechless teenager standing next to her mother. "You should keep your eyes open, Bao Yu," she said. "I think there will be plenty of handsome boys out there today."

"Of course, my lady," she said, voice barely above a whisper. She hadn't quite gotten over the fact that all of Mai's famous friends were aggressively friendly and determined to talk to her, no matter how shy she was in their presence.

Interesting. She was never shy when she was just around Mai and the fighting class. In fact, she was the leader of the pack. Mai tucked this thought away for later.

There was a knock at the door, followed by the sound of a man clearing his throat.

"That's your father," Mai's mother said. She went to the door to let him in. He entered, and Tom-Tom followed close behind him, also looking nervous. Maybe he and Bao Yu could keep each other company.

"Hi, Dad," Mai said.

"It looks like my little girl is all grown up," he said. He sounded very tired, but he smiled and crossed the room to give her a little peck on the forehead. Mai smiled in return—her father was always busy, but she enjoyed seeing him. They had always gotten along better than Mai and her mother, maybe because they saw each other so infrequently.

None of them could think of anything further to say. Tom-Tom still hovered around on the edges of the scene as if looking for a way to get in the circle.

"Come on, Tom-Tom," Mai said, breaking up the awkward silence. His face broke into a grin and he ran forward, about to hug her leg until their mother grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Not now, dear," she said. "We don't want to wrinkle Mai's pretty dress."

Something flared up briefly within Mai. She didn't know what it was, but she knew what she had to do. "It's all right, little brother," she said. She dropped to one knee, slightly awkward in her gown, and held out her arms. "Come here." The little boy grinned and darted forward to squeeze Mai in a tight hug, which she returned with equal fervency.

"Are you still going to visit me after you get married?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" She pulled back and held him at arm's length to get a good look at him. He was so young, but already so serious. He reminded her of Zuko, but not in a comforting way. Something was already troubling him. "You can come and visit me, too. Okay?"

"Okay."

"It's time to head out, Mai," their mother said. She took Tom-Tom by the hand and steered him off in the direction of the door. He gave Mai one last solemn look over his shoulder, but went obediently. Mai straightened up, suppressed the uncomfortable feelings that had surfaced, and walked with her friends out into the hallway.

The others were already further down the hall. Katara was the first to notice Mai—she grinned and tapped Zuko on the arm. He turned a little and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her, mouth hanging open, utterly speechless.

"Wow. You look amazing," he said once he had recovered his voice.

"What do you mean? Don't I always look amazing?" Mai allowed a wicked smirk to show on her face. Behind Zuko's back, she could see Katara mouthing the words _you're evil._

Zuko blushed slightly. "Yes," he said. "But right now you look _especially_ amazing." He extended his arm, still staring like a buffoon. Mai took the offered arm, still smiling. A quick look around proved that everyone was present and accounted for: her family, Iroh, Ty Lee, Suki, Aang, Katara, Sokka, and Toph. Bao Yu, as her only lady-in-waiting as of yet, hung back a little, but was also there.

"All right, best friend," she said to the dork next to her. "Let's go get married."

He smiled and squeezed her arm, and the two of them walked together toward their future.

* * *

Fireworks exploded into the night sky and music rang throughout the pavilion, which was illuminated with hundreds of lanterns. Even through the swirl of color and sound, Zuko finally had a moment to let his thoughts catch up, now that the endless line of well-wishers had dwindled entirely. Mai's head was a warm, heavy weight on his shoulder—she had said she wanted to rest her eyes for just a moment, and now he was her personal pillow. Not that he minded.

They were married now. Husband and wife. Some part of him thought that it would have felt different to finally make it official, but everything felt the same. Mai was now the Firelady, true royalty, the future mother of his heirs. But she had always been _his_ queen, and no amount of legal nitpicking about her status could change that.

He picked at one of the ornate dishes in front of him. Even he had not seen this many varieties of food in one place before. He didn't remember much of his father's coronation feast, having spent as much time as he could in his room at that time, and he had forgone extra celebrations when it came to his own coronation—there had been too much to do.

Further down the table, Aang was still packing away more food than Zuko would have guessed could even fit in the gymnast-sized Avatar. Katara just watched him with a sleepy smile on her face. She had obviously had a few drinks. Sokka and Suki had already disappeared to find a more private alcove, and Toph had left to cause trouble with the rowdiest guests she could find. Tom-Tom had dozed off earlier and had to be carted away by his nursemaid. Meanwhile, Iroh engaged Mai's parents in polite conversation on the other end of the table from Aang and Katara.

Mai stirred and lifted her head off his shoulder. "Do I have cloth lines on my cheek?" she asked groggily.

"No. Do you want some more tea?" The servant in charge of the teapot had been instructed to just leave it on the table and find something fun to do. Zuko hefted it, was pleased to find it still mostly full.

"Sure." She arched her back and made something in her spine pop. Zuko winced just as he was finished pouring her a steaming cup, sending a little wave over the side. "Sorry. My back just hurts."

"Do you want me to rub it for you?"

"Maybe later, _darling husband._ " Her eyes flashed with mischief and her very red mouth perked up at the corners.

"All right, _beautiful wife_ ," he replied with a smile. He took her hand and methodically traced the henna patterns over her fingers and palm. She gave an affected shiver and snuggled closer. They sat together in silence for a few minutes, just appreciating the music and the fireworks and the ever-present smell of tasty food. Mai looked over the crowd, picking out little bits of movement and and determining what everyone was up to.

"Hm. It looks like Bao Yu is flirting with Yi Min," she said casually. Zuko looked. Sure enough, the young lady-in-waiting was giggling at something said by his bodyguard, who was almost unrecognizable in civilian clothes. "That's interesting. She really is only shy around our friends. I wonder if she knows that he's your half-brother."

"It wouldn't make a difference even if she did know."

"That's true."

Zuko looked around for something to eat and in doing so noticed that Aang and Katara had disappeared. He raised his eyebrow and smirked a little. Sokka certainly wasn't around to keep an eye on them... maybe this was the opportunity they had been waiting for. "Are you hungry?" he asked, selecting a few dumplings for himself.

"If there are fruit tarts somewhere around here, then yes. If not, then no."

His smile widened at the double meaning in that answer... and the way she dug into the fruit tart he offered her. Fruit tarts now, and more later. There was no way to go wrong with that.

* * *

Morning dawned especially bright and cheerful, throwing a beam of light across Mai's face. Still half-asleep, she grimaced and pressed her face into Zuko's bare chest. He was still sleeping, his breath coming slow and even, a peaceful rhythm that lulled Mai back into a doze. His skin was warm against hers, and the breeze that wafted in through the slightly-open window gave her even more of a reason to get as close as she could to the firebender in her bed.

The bar of sunlight lengthened. Zuko breathed deep and curled both of his arms around Mai's waist. He shifted a little and buried his face in her hair, prompting a lazy smile to spread across her face.

"Good morning," he murmured into her ear, the sensation of his breath on her skin causing goosebumps to ripple up her spine. She lightly ran her fingertips over his shoulders and back and kissed him on the lips.

" _Very_ good morning." They both giggled a little, a breathless laugh that conjured up the images of last night. Mai shivered in the breeze, and Zuko pulled the covers up over both of them. A little warm, private cocoon all to themselves.

Mai reached up and traced his lips with one slender finger. "Love you."

"Love you too."

It was right then that both of them knew exactly what they wanted for the rest of the day. A platter of fruit tarts and no interruptions. That was all.


	9. Interlude: Patience

"It's done. All we have to do now is wait."

"And hope that nothing goes wrong."

"If you say that one more time, I'm going to be angry. Something's only going to happen if you keep talking about it."

"I'm just being realistic. What if something does happen? What do we do then?"

"Just keep waiting. I've waited for a long time. So have you. We can keep waiting until another opportunity comes up. And it will. So shut up and just keep a low profile."

"I can do that."

"Good. Just stop talking about things going wrong and don't mess up."


	10. Tension

Mai stormed out of her mother's parlor, hands clenched within her sleeves and a furious, scarlet blush standing out on her cheeks. Her mouth was a thin white line as she swept down the halls and around a few corners to Zuko's office. Everyone helpfully stayed out of her way as she walked—they knew that whoever tried to stop her would be getting a knife in some soft body part. Good.

 _I've had enough of this. I just want her to go back home. Forever. I'm sick of her playing housewife in_ my _house._

Once she was inside, she shut the door with a very decisive click and leaned against the wall, eyes sliding closed as she tried to calm down.

 _It's only for a few more months. Then she'll be gone and I can get on with my life._

Warm hands took hers and gently loosened her clenched fists. Zuko pulled her close to him, his desk work abandoned for the time being.

"What's wrong?" His breath was close to her ear and his voice rumbled in his chest. Mai leaned into his embrace, but said nothing. "Is it your mom again?"

"Yeah."

"Is she trying to get you to decide between 'summer yellow' and 'sunshine yellow' for the nursery walls?"

"Yeah, basically."

"Just tell her what _you_ want. Tell her you appreciate her help but you just want to do some things on your own."

"If I do that, she'll..." Mai didn't know what to say. Guilt-trip her? Yeah. Flounce off in a huff? Maybe. Annoy her in different ways? Probably. Now that the wedding was over, she and Zuko had appointed her mother the official decorator for the Royal Heir's Nursery: another project that would keep her out of the way. Even so, the older woman was starting to exert the same iron fist over the project as she had over the wedding. And, like the wedding, the result would be _spectacular_ , but borne out of the special agony generated by a mother and daughter who bore only minimal affection for each other.

"I just hope I'm not like her," Mai said finally. "Our kid is going to be able to make so many choices it won't know what to do with itself."

"You won't be. We already told ourselves this, remember?"

"Still. Sometimes I just wonder." Mai lifted her head and scrutinized Zuko, one eyebrow raised. He looked pale and slightly moist, and there was a bag under his good eye. "You're not sleeping well."

"I'm sleeping fine."

"You must be getting up again after I'm already out. I can tell, so don't try to fool me."

Zuko sighed. "Never mind. Nothing's wrong. I'm just a little nervous lately."

Mai knew what this was about. She also knew that he would deny it until she got him into a dark, quiet, private setting, which would have to wait until later. For now, she just kissed his lips and squeezed his hands in hers.

"We're all a little nervous. Don't be, okay?"

"Yeah."

"...Have you talked to your uncle about this?"

"I talk to him whenever I can. Sometimes it helps."

"Don't worry. Just remember that we'll be different."

He grinned, but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I only believe it when you say it, and you only believe it when I say it."

"We might have to work on that." She rested her chin on his shoulder. "I'm just tired of my mom trying to pull me away for hours at a time so I can pick out paint colors, and then lecturing me when I pick the wrong ones. I could be doing so many other things."

"I wonder why a baby needs all this stuff anyway," Zuko mused. "I don't think she'll really care what color the walls are."

"What if it's a boy?"

" _He_ won't care either."

Mai just smiled at what Zuko's slip of the tongue had revealed. "You've been daydreaming about having a girl," she murmured into his ear.

"Maybe a little." His arms tightened around her body and she could hear a smile in his voice. "Haven't you thought about it?"

"Yeah."

"So... do you think it's going to be a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know." She kissed his cheek. "It would be fun to have either. A little boy who looks like you... or a little girl whose hair I can put in ribbons..."

Zuko pulled back, hands resting warm and heavy on Mai's shoulders. "Mai," he said, eyes wide and a tentative smile exploring his mouth. "This is... kind of exciting."

"Of course it is." She smiled back at him. "We get to be _parents_."

* * *

Bao Yu saw Yi Min leaning against a low wall in the East Orchard of the palace, arms crossed over his chest. She smiled and walked faster toward him. He looked up and returned her smile when he heard her coming.

"Good morning, Yi Min," she said.

"Hey. How's it going?"

"All right." She noticed his casual clothes and unpainted face, so unusual given his work uniform which was in place most times she saw him. "You're not working right now, are you?"

"No, I'm off duty until tonight. What are you doing?"

"The Firelady's mother is trying to get her to help design the baby's nursery, so she told me to take the day for myself. She said at least one of us might have some fun."

Yi Min's face was handsome but somewhat bland—a slight smirking twist to his lips gave it a touch of character. "Not too happy lately, is she?"

"I guess not. Sometimes it's a little hard to tell, though."

He laughed, a bright chuckle that made his golden eyes sparkle and brought a smile to Bao Yu's face. "Yeah, she is pretty hard to figure out sometimes. So, I was waiting here to see if you wanted to go out, maybe get something to eat..."

"I am honored," Bao Yu said automatically, bowing. She realized her error when Yi Min's smile became wider.

"We're leaving the palace compound," he said. "You can leave those fancy manners behind, at least for a little while."

"Force of habit," she said. Her cheeks felt warm.

"Of course. You spend so much time developing those habits that you don't want to act like you never learned them." He extended his arm and Bao Yu took it. She couldn't help but appreciate the contour of the well-muscled arm beneath his sleeve.

"You sound like you speak from experience."

"I ape the manners of nobility for my salary. It will never _not_ be funny that those who wouldn't give me a second glance when I'm out of character suddenly grovel when I act like a king." The two of them walked across the trimmed lawn, passing busy gardeners on the way to the side gate of the compound. Out of the corner of her eye, Bao Yu saw a flutter of green movement. It was gone when she looked.

"I thought you had noble blood," she said. The gossip about him (and many of the palace women were very fond of speculating) was always varied, but that was one element that remained the same, no matter who was talking.

"Blood, yes. Upbringing, no."

She understood the opposite of that. Her father had struck it rich in the manufacturing business and used his new-found wealth to ascend the ranks of society. Few people outside their own family knew that their blood was as raw and rough as the inside of a cut-down tree. No past Firelady would have even considered her as a potential lady-in-waiting. But things were different now.

"You have the royal eyes."

"The mark of a bastard, and nothing more. My mother was a guardswoman, and my father..." he laughed. "Well, there's a reason I'm able to stand in for the Firelord."

"I'm sorry to pry."

"No, don't be. It's not a secret, or even something that bothers me. Besides, it's not like I'm the only one, or anything."

"I don't have any noble blood, legitimate or otherwise," Bao Yu confessed. Yi Min didn't seem too surprised by this, and if he was, he didn't show it.

"But being a companion to the Firelady means that your children will."

"True. I wonder if it will make any difference, though." There it was again, that flash of green in the corner of her eye. She looked, but it had disappeared. That time after Lady Mai's party... she remembered the feel of eyes on the back of her head. The feeling had returned, sending a little shiver down her spine and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up straight.

Once they were out on the street, she relaxed a little. Whoever the man in green was surely couldn't be watching her outside of the palace.

"So, I heard there's a new Ba Sing Se-style restaurant here in the palace city somewhere," Yi Min said. He noticed Bao Yu's consternation and raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter?"

"I think there was someone watching us back there."

"Yeah, that's pretty standard. Everyone gets watched from time to time, just to make sure nothing's going on. Don't be offended, though—in times like these, a little paranoia is justified."

"I suppose you would know." She took a deep breath and turned back to the road. "Who are the men in green?"

"Speaking of Ba Sing Se," Yi Min said. "They're former Dai Li agents, the secret police that used to control the populace and the Earth King. The Firelady basically blackmailed them into staying here as her personal guards, since they sided with Mad Princess Azula and became traitors to the Earth Kingdom."

"That sounds dangerous, keeping them around."

"Yeah, no one trusts them. But a few of them are all right—you get to know people after working with them for three years." He tugged her arm gently, directing her to the side of the road to get out of the way of traffic. "Don't worry about them. They're just being cautious, for the royal family's sake."

* * *

Agent Shi reported to Xiang as soon as the two young people left the compound and went into the city, where another agent would be watching them. The guardhouse was a roomy building right behind the palace, filled with off-duty agents and firebenders alike—his leader's office was upstairs, next to that of the Captain of the Guard. The door was always propped open with a rock, but this time, Xiang closed the door with the rock and a push of his hand as soon as Shi walked in.

"Well?" As always, the leader's face was as inscrutable as it was when he wore his hat, which was hanging off the back of his chair for now.

"They're... dating, sir."

"Everyone already knows that." He sounded displeased. "Were you able to find out anything else?"

"They know each other's heritage now. I'm not sure which of them is trying for a closer alliance with the royal family, if either... or both, I guess. Either way, this is something to keep an eye on. Agent Liu is watching them in the city as we speak."

Xiang nodded. "Good. Dismissed, Agent Shi."

When his subordinate had gone, the earthbender got up from his desk and walked silently next door, hands hidden in his wide green sleeves. Captain Jee's door was slightly ajar; he rapped twice and let himself in. The captain was in his shirtsleeves, writing a long letter in very small characters. He looked up when Xiang entered and put his brush down.

"He's made a move," Xiang said.

"Are you sure it's not the girl?"

"Not entirely. She definitely has some active part in this, but I'm not certain to what extent. My agents are working on that."

"Not good." Jee steepled his fingers. "This is one alliance that needs to _not_ happen this close to the royal family. Too powerful. How long until you reach a solid conclusion?"

"Not too much longer, I think."

"Good. This cannot go wrong. Gather enough evidence, but don't wait too long before acting. Too much is at stake here to be overly cautious or overly reckless."

Xiang smiled thinly. "I'm an earthbender. We are neither."


	11. The Breaking Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is partly inspired by some smartypants who once called me a brat, and then amended it by saying "I didn't say you were a brat, I said you were _being_ a brat." This happened forever ago, and I'm still mad.

"I don't think you realize how important this is, Mai. Your bad attitude and lack of interest shows complete disrespect toward your family and your nation. Is this the image that you, _the Firelady_ , want to present to your people? _Is it_?"

Mai's face was blank as she looked up at her mother's tight-lipped, furious face, but inside, she seethed. She folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath to try to control some of the building, roiling anger that threatened to burst out of her.

"I have a meeting right now," she said in her flattest voice. "I'm sure my people would be more interested in what I have to say _to_ them than who I pick to design my baby's pajamas." She stood up to leave, but her mother grasped her by the shoulders and sat her back down in the chair. Mai gritted her teeth and clenched her fists. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears.

"No. You are going to stay here and make some decisions. This is part of your _duty_. You are the mother of the heir to our country's throne, and as such, you should at least try to pretend like you care."

"I do care," Mai said.

"How can you say that when you don't even want to prepare for his arrival?"

"Or _her_ arrival."

Her mother's nostrils flared. Mai half-expected to see sparks, as if her mother was an angry dragon. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you actually show some respect to your people and your predecessors. Do you think Firelady Jiao acted like this when she was expecting her first child?"

"She'd be an idiot to even consider it. Firelord Sozin had his first three wives executed."

Her mother did the scandalized face again. Mai sighed. She had thought that the scandalized face would go away when she and Zuko got married, but apparently it had just transferred over to being reminded of the elements of the Fire Nation's sordid past that were just now coming out into the open. Her mother was one of the ones who preferred to continue to pretend that nothing of the sort had ever happened.

There was a brief, awkward pause in which Mai's mother rummaged around in her planning portfolio. Finally, she drew out a list of clothing designers and extended it to Mai. "Just pick one. You saw their work. There had to be one you liked."

"Mom. I. Just. Don't. Care."

The older woman threw the paper down. "Do you care about your _child_?"

Mai felt like the wind had been punched out of her. She couldn't find any words—how could her mother even say such a thing? What did she know? She opened her mouth, but her tongue was frozen. She closed it again and tried to think of something to say, but couldn't.

"If you cared, you would want the best for him," her mother said, voice quivering with suppressed anger. "You would actually spend time thinking about what needs to be done before he is born. You are being selfish and you are neglecting your duties."

"How could you say that?" Mai finally managed to choke out. Her throat felt raw and her voice was like sandpaper.

"All you do is attend meetings and argue with politicians. I can hardly ever pull you away from that to focus on what will benefit your own baby. Do you even think about being a mother? I don't think you do. I don't think you realize what an immense sacrifice it is."

"That's not true!" Mai burst out, startling even herself. "How do you know what I feel? How can you think that I don't care just because I don't think it matters that my baby has the fanciest clothes possible?"

"It may not matter to you, but it matters to everyone else. How do you think it will reflect on you if he doesn't even _look_ like a prince?"

 _I don't care what people think of me_ , Mai tried to say, but a thick, hard lump had formed in her throat and her voice had dried up before it could even get that far. _It's not their place to judge how good of a mother I am._ She squeezed handfuls of her robe and bit her tongue to keep from crying—she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't show weakness in front of her mother.

Why did it feel like she wanted to cry, anyway? She never cried!

 _I am the Firelady. The Firelady does not cry. No one can make her feel this way. No one can make_ me _feel this way_.

"Make a decision," her mother said, voice hard. "Make it _today_." With that, she took her portfolio and left, leaving Mai huddled in her chair, still dumbstruck.

 _She thinks I'm already a bad mother. After all I've done to make sure I wouldn't be._ Am _I a bad mother? I thought it didn't matter how much you could buy for your kid, as long as you love him. Or her._ Gently, she traced the curve of her belly, grown so round and heavy in the past few months. It felt like years, thanks to her mother's constant badgering. She felt like she hardly had ten minutes to herself out of each day. Her mother was always there, breathing down her neck and trying to get her to make stupid, irrelevant decisions.

 _Am I really just being selfish? Is my baby going to hate me?_

The first time she felt the baby move around, the first time she was really _sure_ , she sat bolt upright in bed, the doze she had fallen into completely gone. Her hands went to her belly, and sure enough, there it was, a faint tap-tap coming from within. She immediately woke Zuko up (maybe a little too roughly—it was more of a punch than a nudge) and, while he was still groggily wondering what she was doing, lifted her nightgown and directed his hand to the spot on her bare skin. There it was again, that tap-tap sensation. His eyes flew open, all traces of sleepiness just as suddenly gone as hers. A shy, tentative smile played at his lips, and they spent a good few hours just cuddling in the dark, not saying anything, just interacting with their baby for the first time.

 _Hello, baby. What color do you want your room to be? Do you want your first outfit to be traditional, or more modern? Red shoes or gold shoes? Only the finest silk for your blankets._ _Only the best for you, baby._

"That's not what it's about," Mai whispered to the empty room. If only her mom had spent _less_ time worrying the material aspects of her birth.

She rested her head in her hands and tried to block it all out. There were too many ugly feelings swimming just below the surface for her to think clearly just then.

* * *

 _I am so tired_. Zuko rested his chin in his hands and closed his eyes against the glare of the wall of flame in front of him. The admirals and generals were still discussing troop withdrawals, some of the last, at the table beneath his throne, but he couldn't hang onto a single sentence any one of them uttered. Every time he tried to listen, he just felt himself slipping further and further down the path toward sleep. He wasn't going to go to sleep. He was going to keep listening. He was going to be a good Firelord.

Spirits, how could he ever have wanted to attend war meetings as a kid? This was the same. Troops were being moved around, it didn't matter for what purpose. And it was the single most boring meeting he had attended this week.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so unbearable if he could actually sleep at night. He had precious few hours to rest and needed every one of them, but the nightmare seemed like it was here to stay, rearing its ugly head two or three times a week. It didn't matter how often he told himself that it was all in the past, all behind him now. It didn't want to let him go just yet.

He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on the business at hand. Admiral Wei seemed to be finishing up the day's progress. The sooner everything finished up, the sooner he could leave. Technically he could leave whenever he felt like it, but he felt he should stay—he'd been sending Yi Min to too many of his own meetings lately, and he needed to know what was going on. His secretary's notes could only do so much.

Finally, the meeting ended. He stood up and rolled his shoulders back, making something crack in his neck. He extinguished the flames surrounding his throne as he departed and headed immediately toward his room. Mai had said that her mother would be spearheading some more baby planning, so he didn't think she would be too far away from their personal rooms.

She wasn't in the bedroom or the parlor. He found her in the under-construction nursery, alone, sitting in a chair with her arms folded tightly around herself. Her cheeks were slightly pink, which someone else might have mistaken for embarrassment, but Zuko noticed the hardness to her eyes and the almost-invisible line of her mouth. Something was very wrong.

"Mai?" She looked up briefly, but looked back down at her lap as he approached. "What's the matter?"

"My mom."

"Again? What happened this time?"

She looked away. "The usual."

No. This wasn't normal irritation. Zuko was determined to find out what had really happened. "What did she say."

Mai hesitated, looked up at Zuko, and then turned away once more. "She said..." she sighed. "She said that because I don't care about all this," she gestured around at the finery around the room, "I must not care about the baby."

"That's insane! She's... she's a psycho!" He could feel the anger building up inside him. As if Mai's mother was anyone to say anything else about people not caring about their kids. That... was just unacceptable. He had never particularly _liked_ Mai's mother, but this... this cemented his dislike into flat-out hatred. He clenched his fists. "You have to say something to her."

"Like what?" Mai said dully, turning her blank face up at him.

"I don't know. But you have to stand up to her. I can see the way she brings you down and it kills me to watch. You have to say something because she's completely out of line and she's making you miserable."

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, one hand resting on her belly. "I can't," she said quietly.

"Why not?"

Mai said nothing. She just closed her eyes and frowned slightly. Zuko folded his arms and waited.

"I just can't, okay?" She stood up and tried to pass him on her way out of the room, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. He could see her face close down right then, and something died inside of him. _Don't shut me out. Not again._

" _Why not?_ "

Slowly and deliberately, she removed his hand. "Never mind. It's not your problem. I have... reasons for not saying anything to her." Zuko suspected otherwise, but said nothing on that subject.

"I just want to know why you won't say anything. You don't need to let her walk all over you."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. When you don't assert your _own_ opinion, she takes advantage of you."

"Just leave me alone."

Zuko gritted his teeth. "I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me why you can't do anything about this. It's probably not that hard."

"You don't know anything about my mom, so stop pretending like you do."

"I know that what she's doing isn't right."

"Just stop." Mai brushed past him and went out into the hallway. With that, Zuko's already-fragile patience snapped completely.

"Do you believe her? Is that it?"

She paused. "No. Of course not." Her voice was perfectly calm as usual, but her hands were balled into tight white fists.

"Then why do you act like it?"

"What?"

"You're taking what she said to heart. You're letting her control you because you're being a doormat by not standing up to her." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them—he knew his tongue had gotten him in trouble once again when she whirled around, mouth contorted in fury, eyes flashing like knives in flight.

" _What?_ " She darted toward him and poked him in the chest. "You think I'm a _doormat_?"

"I didn't say that," Zuko said weakly. "I said you were _being_ a doormat."

"What's the difference?"

"I—"

"You don't understand. You don't know anything about me and my mom. So stay out of it and let me deal with my own mother." With that, she turned on her heel and strode down the hall, not saying anything further to him.

"Mai? I, uh..."

She ignored him. He couldn't think of anything to say to her, anything that would make her come back and just talk to him so they could work this out and have everything be back to normal again. He felt vaguely like he should apologize, but he couldn't seem to remember how. She turned a corner and the hem of her dark robe flicked out of sight.

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against the doorjamb. All of the fight had drained out of him. He didn't care what Mai said to her mother anymore, he just wanted her to come back.

"Damn it all," he muttered, and then let his head fall back against the wall with a dull thud.

* * *

It occurred to Zuko that tea solved every ill, or at least helped to illuminate a practical solution to whatever was bothering him. The wisp of steam that rose from his cup as Uncle filled it was like an old friend, one that showed up whenever he had a problem. His head rested in his right hand; his left hand absently traced swirls on the shiny tabletop with a drop of spilled tea.

"Every couple has fights, Zuko."

"I know." He sighed. "I shouldn't have said those things. It was my fault."

Uncle gave a wise smile over the rim of his teacup. "When you fight with your pregnant wife, it is automatically your fault. No exceptions."

"Yeah..."

"Even so, you are right. You should apologize to her as soon as you see her again."

"I will. I was going to, but I don't know why I didn't... it was like I couldn't remember how to _talk_ ," Zuko said with an incoherent, frustrated gesture. Uncle nodded and sipped his tea. "I just want her to stand up to her mom. That woman is evil and she makes Mai miserable."

"She'll do it in her own time. Mai is a strong young woman. Just let it happen naturally."

Zuko paused. "She helped me. Encouraged me. If it wasn't for her, I don't know if..." he looked away, unsure of how to say it. After trying to find the words and failing, he didn't finish that thought. "I just want to do the same for her."

"You two are very different. While you benefited from encouragement, Mai probably wants some time to think about it on her own."

"Yeah." He stared into his tea. "This isn't the first fight we've had, and it won't be the last."

"How many fights you have had isn't what matters. What matters is how you've changed when you come out of them."

Zuko just closed his eyes. He hadn't realized he was holding his breath until the warm weight of Uncle's hand settled on his shoulder, and he let it out, suddenly just as exhausted as before. Today was not a good day.

* * *

Mai had gone to bed almost an hour previously, but was only just starting to drift off to sleep. The doctor told her to to get plenty of rest each night, but the baby's constant wiggling, combined with the fight earlier, was making this seem like an impossibility. The sheets were tangled around her legs and the blanket had slipped almost off the bed completely. After struggling with both for a while, she bundled them up and threw them across the room in frustration. Her pillow was too warm on both sides, so she switched it with Zuko's... only to find that it smelled like nasty man-sweat. Spirits, did he ever _bathe_?

Finally, she managed to get into a comfortable position and ignore the warmth of her pillow. Her eyelids drooped, her breath came slow and easy...

A light touch on her arm and the sensation of a blanket being tucked around her body jarred her from the light doze she had achieved.

"Mai," Zuko said quietly. The bed shifted slightly as he climbed in next to her, and she felt warm lips pressed to her ear. His breath was soft on her skin as he spoke. "I'm sorry."

Mai shrugged off his hand and scooted away from him.

She felt him stiffen up, and then lie down, saying nothing further.

Well, good. She had nothing to say to him.


	12. What's Really Important

Mai and Zuko actually fought more than either of them would admit. Usually the fights were minor and over almost as soon as they began, fixed up with the requisite apologies and a kiss. From time to time they had fights that lasted all day, beginning with an argument in the morning and continuing with prolonged silent treatment until the evening, when both of them got tired of keeping it up. Those too were wrapped up neatly and everything would be fine by morning.

It was easy to pick out the newcomers at court: they were the ones who gossiped about the fights, feigning interest and concern and trying to spread rumors in hushed tones. Those who had been around for long enough, however, simply rolled their eyes. It just wasn't worth gossiping about, because the brief, passionate fights between the Firelord and his beloved quickly fizzled out and returned to almost sickeningly-sweet romance, which was incredibly tedious for drama-hungry observers.

But when their silent treatment hit the four-day mark for the first time ever, even the most jaded courtiers started to talk.

Mai ignored it, at least as much as she could. No one brought it up whenever she invited people into her parlor for tea; that would have been an unacceptable breach of etiquette. Nor did anyone say anything when she and Zuko presided over state dinners, sitting rigidly side-by-side and not looking at or saying anything to each other. But she heard whispers as she walked and saw people quickly avert their eyes when she looked at them.

It was like being seventeen again and having her entire past, present, and future picked apart by the court. She remembered the looks on the older noblewomen's faces— _you might be the Firelord's favorite, little girl, but you're going to need more than that if you want to last here. If you don't have what it takes, we'll tear you apart._

Mai remembered feeling like she could never make it. Her experience lay in not confronting people, not caring what they thought, and staying on the outside. She knew immediately that this had to end. She had spent long hours lying awake, wondering what her life had become and what she was going to do about it. How the world would view her no matter what choice she made and how she would view herself.

She made the choice that many seventeen-year-olds would have made: to stay with her boyfriend. She couldn't lie to herself and say that she had been totally objective at the time. It was a decision based on emotion, but even she couldn't say that was entirely a bad thing. She knew deep down, on some unconscious level that couldn't be shut out or told to think rationally, that she wanted to help him, to share his goals, to spend the rest of her life with him. Some called her dependent, unable to live for herself. Others dismissed her as a social climber. Whatever. She didn't see anything wrong with having her primary loyalty be to the one she loved.

It was hard, at first. Despite being raised to play in their arena, these women and their powerful husbands were way out of her league. They tossed her around like a kid with a ball. Still, she was better at it than Zuko was, and they learned together. Soon the women who had threatened her with their eyes learned to respect—and fear—her. She let nothing get in her way and no one get under her skin.

She knew that the nobles who were gossiping now were gossiping about her and her alone. That was always the way it was, and it drove her mad. Women in the public eye were always under so much scrutiny, their every move examined and analyzed for signs of imperfection. Mai had long since given up trying to be the "perfect" noblewoman, but that didn't mean that everyone else shared her sentiments. If she got pregnant out of wedlock, it was her fault. If her baby wasn't decked out in the proper finery from the very second of its birth, she was a bad mother. If she and Zuko were having a fight, she must have instigated it.

Whatever.

Mai had a thick skin. She knew that very few of the things people judged her for were completely her fault. It didn't matter that they thought she was a frigid harpy. She just wasn't ready to accept Zuko's apology and he was pissed off by that. So they weren't speaking at the moment. So what? She didn't pry into _other_ people's private lives.

She stood to one side of the wide hallway, quietly watching as workers carried tables and chairs into the palace's largest dining room. The delegation from Ba Sing Se had arrived the previous day, all two hundred of them, and tonight there would be a welcome banquet for them. Housing them all had been an absolute nightmare—although the palace was big, it was tiny in Ba Sing Se reckoning, and simply didn't have enough rooms for two hundred high-maintenance guests. Luckily, some of them had bought homes in the palace city since the end of the war, and still others were staying with their new Fire Nation friends. Even so, it was a tight fit. This palace was just not built for peacetime. But Mai had an army of stewards and servants of all stripes at her disposal, and everything was going without a hitch.

"My lady." Mai turned slightly to see Xiang and his agents, assembled like turtle-ducks in a row. He bowed, which Mai acknowledged with a nod. "We would be honored to be a part of the security detail at tonight's banquet."

"Good. I'm glad you took some time to think about it."

"I only request that we be allowed to dress down."

"I thought your uniforms were a matter of pride," Mai said, feigning mild disinterest. In truth, she was surprised. They had never made such a request, not even when the Earth King visited last year.

"It would be unwise to appear in uniform tonight. There are visitors here that must not be alienated, and that would react badly." The earthbender smirked slightly. "It's virtually the only way we can dress without starting something new."

"You have my permission. Not that you need it."

"Thank you, my lady." With that, he turned, tucked his hands in his sleeves, and left, his agents following him out.

 _Interesting,_ Mai thought. _I wonder why he would ask me that. It's not a plot—there's no way he would do that with so many people from Ba Sing Se here. Maybe he is just doing it to avoid causing problems._ She rubbed her temples. She'd already been in politics too long. She was starting to see ulterior motives where there were none.

The sound that her mother's feet made when she walked down the hall was unmistakable, her shoes tapping against the floor like a chicken pecking in the dirt. Mai gritted her teeth and turned to face her. The older woman seemed to have forgotten the incident in the nursery that had cause this whole debacle, much to her annoyance. It wasn't that she was trying to avoid future arguments—it was that she had gotten what she wanted out of Mai and wanted to keep her cooperation.

"Mai," she said. "You should rest. Don't you want to get off your feet?"

"I'm fine."

"You're six months pregnant. No matter how _you_ feel, you need to rest. Put your feet up."

"I've been resting all day. I'm just happy to be able to get off my ass and do something." Spirits, it was _boring_. The doctor must have been paid off by Mai's mother to do everything he could to get Mai to stop being active. Or not, but it was a theory that Mai found extremely entertaining. "Besides, I didn't hear Katara telling me to lie around all the time."

Her mother's nostrils flared. "Well yes, I'm sure they wouldn't do that in the Water Tribe."

Mai decided to let that comment slide. "Whatever. Are you done?"

"Yes." Her mother drew herself up to her full height and started down the hall. She paused before she had gone too far, however. "He apologized to you, didn't he?"

Mai hesitated, and then nodded.

Her mother opened her mouth to say something, but appeared to think better of it, and departed without saying anything else.

* * *

Zuko wasn't entirely sure he was going to make it through the banquet. He kept his fists clenched on his knees the whole time, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from fidgeting. His ears rang with the constant yammering of his _esteemed_ guests, and the blood rushed through his veins, spurred on by annoyance and the constant smell of Mai's rose-scented hair.

He couldn't escape it. It was like he had buried his face in it, breathing in the smell of her hair and her skin and touching her and pulling her closer and kissing her lips and cheeks and neck—

But he wasn't. She was sitting next to him, hands folded neatly in her lap and hair done up in a long ponytail instead of falling free down her back. She didn't talk to him. She didn't even look at him. He wanted her to say something, anything. Every time he tried to talk to her, she just turned her head and pretended like she heard nothing. Eventually, he just stopped trying.

 _This can't go on forever_ , he thought. _It has to end sometime. But I can't do it myself._

He knew that much, at least. But it didn't stop him from trying to do it all himself, and the more he tried to do that, the more he was convinced that he was a terrible Firelord.

His thought process should have included domestic and international trade, troop withdrawals, education reform, reforestation, pollution control, and the Child Protection Act, which for some reason _no one_ in the government wanted to pass. Instead, his thoughts contained little more than _Mai is mad at me. Mai is_ still _mad at me. I wonder what I can do to make her not be mad at me. I wonder if she's going to stop being mad at me. I want to kiss her, but she won't let me. Is she still mad? Yes, she is. I'm an idiot_.

The dining hall was too warm and stuffy, crammed full of people and smells and not enough air. Zuko didn't like crowds on the best of days, and today was _definitely_ not the best of days.

Zuko had enacted every bit of advice that his uncle had given him, but all he could do was keep trying and hope that Mai would accept his apologies sooner rather than later. It was annoying, though. Sure, he might have said some things that he shouldn't have. But it seemed like she was just being unnecessarily stubborn, which made him less and less intent on securing her forgiveness.

Soon. It had to be soon.

Someone was saying something to everyone in the room. It might have been important, but Zuko couldn't tell. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight of Mai's long, pale hand, nails painted glossy black, resting on the table next to him. Whatever the official business was, it couldn't have been further from his mind.

 _I am the worst Firelord ever._

His head jerked up suddenly—there was something going on at the other end of the hall. The main doors burst open and armed men flooded in—all the side doors and windows did the same, and soon the hall was filled with them.

Zuko was on his feet before he knew it. He immediately looked over at Iroh, and then at Mai; both of them were standing up as well and preparing to either fight or get out of the way. Mai's hands disappeared into her sleeves—she wasn't going anywhere.

Mai's mother grabbed her arm. "Let's go, Mai," she said. The younger woman simply shook her off and stood her ground, knives shining between her fingers. Her face was as impassive as ever, but her eyes had a hard shine to them. She was looking for a fight.

Zuko couldn't breathe. People pressed all around him—his own guards, Earth Kingdom delegates, their guards, the attackers—he couldn't see what was going on or tell friend from foe.

Somewhere to his right, Uncle was fighting and directing others to do so. To his left, Mai's head was visible among the crowd that surrounded her.

They were both all right. Good.

He spied a pair of swords strapped to the back of a fallen Earth Kingdom guard. He already felt detached, as he always did when he fount—he took the swords and assumed a fighting stance, preparing to use them to firebend if he had to. Right now he wasn't sure if he could firebend without hurting someone on his own side.

A figure, masked and dressed like a servant but moving like a trained warrior, appeared in front of him, raising a bloody spear. He ducked, lashed out with his swords, and the attacker fell.

 _I have to find Mai. I have to see if she's all right_.

Zuko fought his way through the crowd to where she was. Relief flooded through his body when he saw her—unharmed, fighting, and flecked with the blood of her assailants. He pushed his way through and took a spot at her back.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We're being attacked."

"I can see that," he snapped back. Another attacker raised his weapon—Zuko took him down with a flaming swipe of his sword. "How did they get past the guards?"

"How should I know?"

Gritting his teeth in frustration, Zuko sent another man flying with a kick to the stomach. "Shouldn't your useless _agents_ be doing something about it? Or are they behind this?"

"I already said, I don't— _aah!_ "

Something warm splashed across Zuko's cheek. He whirled around and, suddenly feeling chilled all over, say Mai stagger, knives falling from her hands and blood welling from a wound in her shoulder.

He was at her side right away, dropping his swords and completely disregarding the fight around him. He barely registered the columns of earth that shot up from the floor as the Dai Li agents _finally_ showed up. He couldn't continue even if he tried, seeing Mai hurt—

Mai's long legs had crumpled underneath her, and her eyes were wide in her pale face. Zuko nervously patted her cheek, crouched next to her on the floor.

"Someone got me," she said faintly. Her hand went to her shoulder. "Feels like a knife." She winced as she tried to pull at whatever had stabbed her, but Zuko took her wrist in a vise-like grip.

"No, don't touch it yet. It'll bleed too much."

Beads of sweat stood out on Mai's forehead and she squeezed her eyes shut. She clung to Zuko's arm and took a shuddering breath. "I'm sorry, Zuko."

"No, no, you don't have to be." He patter her cheek again, harder now. "You're going to be okay. I'm getting you some help. I'm so sorry. It'll be all right, okay?"

"Just shut up and get me a doctor." She bit her lip. "I think I'm going to..." she slumped in Zuko's arms, unconscious, before she could even finish her sentence.

* * *

The hall was still in an uproar later, even after all the attackers were subdued and the guards had restored order. It had been so sudden, so violent—Mai wasn't the only one hurt, and there were many who got it worse than her.

The wound wasn't serious. Mai had simply overtaxed herself and losing blood in her state just made it worse. Turned out, one of the attackers had thrown Mai's own knife at her, making it impossible to track the culprit. But Zuko didn't care. Mai was safe, she was resting comfortably, and the doctor said that she and the baby would be just fine.

However, he still had some things to say to the guards, who had let this happen.

The dining hall was a wreck, overturned tables and broken dishes littering the floor, which was interrupted by spikes of rock and pits from which boulders had been pulled. Funny, he couldn't remember what it looked like before—it must have been nice, but he couldn't even recall what foods there had been.

There were guards and servants all over the place, hurriedly cleaning everything up and dealing with the aftermath of the attack. The attackers who survived had already been hauled off for questioning. Those who didn't had also been disposed of.

Zuko spied Jee and Xiang talking at the other end of the hall. He took off toward them, hands clenching and unclenching and teeth grinding together. They turned to face him as he approached, both of them looking slightly annoyed.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"As far as we can tell, they disguised themselves and came in with the Earth Kingdom's help," Jee said.

"Why didn't you stop them? That's your job! You're supposed to make sure stuff like this _doesn't happen!_ "

"We were unprepared, sir. But it's under control now and it will not happen again."

"I don't care. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. Damn it, I should—"

Jee whacked Zuko in the kneecap with his cane. Zuko yelped and collapsed into the chair conveniently provided by a servant.

" _What_ should you do? Fire me? Who else can you get to do my job?"

Zuko swallowed and said nothing.

"Should you fire Xiang and send them all back to Ba Sing Se, when they're the ones who stopped the fight in the first place? Fire Yi Min, who's been coughing up blood in the infirmary for the last hour because someone thought he was you?" The captain poked the Firelord in the chest with his cane. "That's his job. That's all of our job: protecting you. Sometimes accidents happen. But everything turned out fine and no one on our side died. So go check on your wife and let us deal with this."

"Double the guard."

"I'll do what I can."

"Good." Zuko stood up, straightened his robes, and left, trying to salvage what was left of his dignity. When he was gone, Xiang, impressed with Jee's display, gave a low whistle.

* * *

Mai already looked better than before—some of the color had returned to her cheeks and the rise and fall of her chest was relaxed instead of rapid and panicky. She seemed comfortable, lying on her side with her knees loosely bent and her formal robes discarded in favor of a simple nightgown. Her shoulder had been bandaged and her hand rested on her belly as she slept.

Her mother sat at the bedside, straight and tall in a chair, hands folded in her lap. She stood as Zuko entered and gave him a look that seemed to say, "wake her up and I will end you, I don't care what you're the king of." Without saying anything, she left and closed the door quietly behind her.

Zuko shucked his boots, crown, and cumbersome outer robe and lay down next to Mai, face nestled on her hair and one arm around her waist. He was asleep before he realized it, finally at peace for the first time in days.


	13. Interlude: Frustration

"I can't believe it. All our work, ruined because of some idiots who couldn't _wait_ for a better opportunity. What were they thinking?"

"It's certainly a mystery."

"Of _course_ any attack on the Firelady means that the Firelord will just take her security that much more seriously. Of _course_ he would order double the guards. Of _course_ anyone else who wants a piece of the Fire Nation wouldn't have the brains to go about it the right way."

"Maybe there's a bright side to this. After a big, flashy attack like this, he won't be expecting something more subtle from within."

"Maybe, but there's still the guards to consider. They _both_ need to die. At the same time. _After_ the heir is born. It doesn't matter how subtle we are. It'll still be difficult."

"It's possible, yes. You should probably rest, it's been a long day."

"What are you, my mother? Have people watching them at all times. I need information to come up with a better plan."

"Of course."


	14. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if this chapter "works," since it's so different in execution from all the others.

Everyone showed up in the Fire Nation as soon as they heard what had happened. Aang and Katara showed up first, with Sokka, Suki, and Ty Lee only a few hours behind them. Toph took a little longer, but soon they were all together again, and for a moment everything seemed right in the world.

Katara offered to heal Mai's wound, but Mai declined, saying that she liked the idea of having a battle scar from it, as a sign that she could take a knife as well as throw one. Suki and Sokka approved of this philosophy, as did Toph, who was a fan of anything that proved that someone had been in a lot of fights. She personally sported an Earth Rumble IX championship belt—another trophy for her collection. Ty Lee didn't care either way, but was mostly eager to try out the new massage techniques she had learned on Mai, who very much appreciated the attention.

Aang showed Zuko a new firebending technique he had come up with, which both perplexed and annoyed the latter, who hadn't thought it was possible to invent any more techniques. Later, Sokka, Toph, and Zuko all tried to out-drink each other for some reason (Aang had originally been a competitor, but after two drinks he had started giggling and floating around the room. He hadn't lasted much longer) to see whose nation's fortitude reigned supreme. Sokka severely misjudged his own limits and ended up on the floor much sooner than he would have liked, and thus the competition became a duel between Earth Kingdom Prizefighters and Fire Nation Sailors. Zuko won, but Toph would never admit it.

The time they had together was too brief. Soon everyone had to leave, but Katara and Aang promised to stay close by so that Katara could help with the birth when the time came. The rest of them promised to visit again at the same time, which helped a little bit.

The palace always felt even bigger and emptier whenever they left. Too quiet, too serious. But, as they always did, Mai and Zuko got used to it.

* * *

"Names? Uh, I guess I never really thought about it," Zuko confessed. Mai lifted her head from his shoulder to give him a questing, slightly judgmental look. He immediately felt guilty and wondered why it hadn't occurred to him sooner. When it came to the baby, he mostly had been thinking about _who_ the kid would be. Attaching a name seemed...

"My mom says that the first baby should have a family name," Mai said. "I was named after my father's grandmother."

"I was named after a really, really old Firelord," Zuko said. "I don't know anything about him. Maybe the name should be someone we actually identify with." He wasn't naming his baby after any of the recent Firelords, and calling the kid "Roku" seemed like it would be uncomfortably political. On the other hand, maybe that was a good idea after all. And, of course, that was only if it was a boy.

"Both of my parents have ugly names. And I wouldn't really want to name it after them anyway." Her voice took on a distant quality.

"Your uncle?"

"His name is even uglier. What about _your_ uncle?"

"I don't know. I would want to name a baby after him, but it's kind of old-fashioned for a little kid."

They were both quiet for a few moments. Mai ran a soft finger up and down Zuko's arm. His hand went to her hair, gently combing it with his fingers.

"How about your mom?"

"...Maybe." He sighed.

"It kind of sucks that we can't think of any family members we'd like to name a baby after," Mai said. "Maybe we could break from tradition this time. It's not like the fate of the nation hinges on the baby's name."

"No, I guess not."

* * *

Mai's mother just wouldn't quit.

The nursery was finally finished. The baby's clothes were picked out. Mai dutifully took all of the horrifying, "healthy" concoctions that she was offered. She avoided things that were unlucky. But somehow her mother always managed to find ways to squeeze her into a perfect little box.

She tried to make her relax most of the day, despite the fact that Mai was often restless and wanted to take nice long walks through the grounds. She wanted her to stay out of the political arena until after the baby was born, at which point mothering would take so much time that she probably wouldn't be returning anyway, in her opinion. And she wanted her to stop eating so many sweets, which Mai refused to do, since candy, peanut sauce, and shrimp were what she craved the most.

They fought a lot. Mai usually backed down, which she hated to do and hated herself for doing. Why couldn't she say no? She was a grown woman, married and a mother-to-be. She could make her own decisions. Allegedly.

The latest argument was particularly brutal. Mai could feel her mother's words clawing at her defenses, soon to tear them down completely.

"Pardon me," said a gentle voice from the doorway. General Iroh stood there, hands in his sleeves. "Lady Yao, I wondered if you might join me for a cup of tea. I understand you have an eye for fine things and perhaps you could tell me what you think of my new tea set."

"Of course, my lord." She stood and bowed deeply. "It would be an honor." She walked out of the room, and Mai looked back to see the general giving her a knowing smile behind her mother's back.

 _Thank you_ , she mouthed. General Iroh gave the tiniest of nods and whisked her mother away to talk about fine porcelain.

* * *

"Zuko, what if I die?"

Zuko choked on the bite of food he had just taken. " _What?_ "

"What if I die in childbirth. What would you do?"

"I'm not even going to think about it. Why would you ask me something like that?"

She shrugged. "Curious. It happens, you know. It could be just me, or me and the baby, or—"

" _Stop it_."

"You've never thought about it before? And stop looking at me like that, I'm not being morbid. I'm just thinking about all the options. People die. Women die in childbirth all the time." Mai took a sip of tea, her expression not changing in the slightest even as Zuko's face became redder and redder with each passing second.

"How can you talk about this so... so _casually_? You're talking about dying. You're talking about _you_ dying. I could never imagine what would happen."

"Zuko..." she reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "Remember when we were just kids, and you would come over to my house and we'd pretend like everything was fine? And when you couldn't pretend any more, you shut me out and acted like you didn't need any help?"

"Yeah?"

She paused before speaking again. "We all have our ways."

"Ways of what?"

"Dealing with... fear."

At that, Zuko stood up, crossed to the other side of the table, and held Mai as tightly as he could. Beneath his arms, he thought he could feel her trembling.

"I know," he whispered. "But... just don't ask me that again. I can't even handle _thinking_ about it. Don't make me think about it, please."

"I don't need to any more. Your answer... it helped. A little."

* * *

It seemed that Mai's mother was one of those people who could never approve of her daughter's choice of husband, even if he happened to be the Firelord. There was something about her that made Zuko think of a terrifying schoolteacher, always appraising him for flaws and then testing those flaws in ways he was bound to fail.

She made quick little references to classic poetry that he should have gotten, had he not spent the usual years learning how to navigate by the stars and sink ships instead. He felt like an idiot afterwards.

He had something of a dirty mouth—another souvenir of his years at sea—and she always managed to turn up right as he let out a particularly filthy expletive. When that happened, he could feel her eyes boring straight into his forehead and he felt like sinking into the floor.

He couldn't paint, write poetry, or play an instrument very well. He had no idea how to properly court a lady, and although he thankfully didn't need to use that skill any more, the simple truth was that he'd never had it in the first place. He never smiled when it was appropriate and tended to laugh when it was extremely _in_ appropriate. He was supposed to be well-versed in the art of conversation, but even rigorous tutoring could not remove the crippling social awkwardness that had been there since the day he uttered his first word.

His hair was too short—it was better suited to an army firebender than to a nobleman. Even though she didn't know where it was, Mai's mother knew that he had a tattoo somewhere on his body, which, as far as she was concerned, was the same as blue hair and a bone threaded through his nose. He could always feel her staring at his hands, which were rough and callused instead of smooth and useless.

He didn't know why she was judging him, and it irritated him. Wasn't it her life's sole purpose to get her daughter married off to the best possible candidate? And he was the Firelord, a status that was not lessened by the fact that he couldn't compose a haiku to save his life.

Still, at the base of Zuko's character was a little boy who was just eager to please. So he found a small book of poetry, stashed it in his sleeve, and pulled it out whenever he had a few moments to himself. The next time Mai's mother came calling, he would know what she was talking about. Hopefully.

* * *

With a groan, Mai lifted her legs and put her feet in Zuko's lap, leaning against the arm of the couch with a pillow behind her back. He couldn't get over how miserable she looked during the past few weeks—her due date was rapidly approaching and soon all the discomfort and sleeplessness would be worth it. But there was only so much he could do to make it easier for now.

He took her right foot in his hands, slowly rubbing circles on her sole. She sighed and smiled sleepily up at him. After saying so many things to so many people throughout the day, when it was all over and the two of them had settled down together in private, silence was better than anything either of them could say.

The room smelled of tea and Mai's favorite rose-scented soap. A gentle breeze rolled in the open window, carrying with it the sound of a far-off stringed instrument playing a quiet song.

It seemed strange that such a calm evening could happen in the same day as heated political debate about topics that were anything but reassuring. The remnants of war still remained, and Zuko knew that they probably would continue throughout his entire reign. A hundred years of war. How long would it take to recover from that, if it was even possible at all?

No, he wasn't going to think about that. Not right now.

Mai wasn't sleeping comfortably these days, so the sound of her soft snores was like music to his ears. He smiled. She never believed him when he said that she snored. He didn't really mind, though. Especially not now.

He wondered briefly what he should do with her. If he let her sleep on the couch, her back would hurt later. If he tried to carry her to the bed, she would probably wake up. He looked from her face to the bed. It was only across the room, and even if she woke up, she was already sleepy. He decided to take his chances.

Very carefully, he slid out from under her feet, stood, and picked her up. She mumbled a little, and he froze until she was quiet again. As slowly and gently as he could, he crossed the room and laid her down, spreading the covers over her and tucking them close around her body.

He settled down next to her and extinguished the one candle by the bedside. She rolled into his arms, still asleep, and he drifted off to the sound of her slow, even breathing.

* * *

Katara and Aang arrived in the Fire Nation on the very day they had promised, still well enough before Mai's due date but late enough that Mai had started to show signs of inward panicking, the kind that went largely unnoticed most of the time and only manifested itself in brief flickers. There was still so much to do, so much to learn; everything had to be perfect and she felt unprepared.

Katara did a brief checkup every day. The water glowed and hummed, slightly tickly on the bare skin of Mai's belly.

"Everything's just fine. Are you _sure_ you don't want to know the sex?" Katara smiled. Mai was still amazed at how this girl, more than two years younger than her, could seem so much older and more mature than everyone else.

"No, I want it to be a surprise."

"Okay." She reached up and stroked the lemur on her shoulder, who had been intently watching the whole procedure. Mai's eyes narrowed as she got a better look at the creature. Its fur was more snowy-white than she remembered, and the brown markings were more of a golden color...

"Wait. That's not Momo."

Katara's smile widened. "No, this is Yuki. She decided she liked Momo and followed us back from the Southern Air Temple."

Yuki climbed down from Katara's shoulder and into Mai's lap. She looked up at Mai with wide, inquisitive eyes and rubbed her swollen belly with one little lemur hand as if she understood what was going on. Then again, Aang always said that lemurs were more intelligent than people gave them credit for.

Mai stroked her ears. Yuki made a little happy sound, and then spread her wings—there, clinging to her soft fur, was a tiny, fuzzy baby lemur.

"She has a baby, too," Katara said. "Mommy-bonding."

"Whatever," Mai said, though she couldn't hide her own smile. "That... may just be the cutest thing ever."

* * *

Having Aang in the Fire Nation again was better than Zuko could express. People actually _listened_ when he spoke, and he forged compromises between angry factions with such skill that no one was left unhappy at the end. There were always those who said that Zuko didn't rule on his own, that he was the Avatar's puppet, and alternately there were those that said the teenager was in the Firelord's pocket and had been since the end of the war. That could not be further from the truth: they advised each other, they tried to work out things that would be best for everyone, and neither of them could (or wanted to) do anything that contradicted the wishes of the other.

Things got _done_ when they worked together. Whenever they had disagreements—which did happen from time to time—there was even less progress than there was when Zuko was working alone.

Aang was mediating an argument between two lords, Zuko merely nodding along because he had nothing valuable to offer, when one of Mai's maids came hurrying through the side door to the private audience room.

"My lord," she said breathlessly, bowing low. "It's time. The Firelady..."

"Time?" Zuko's voice cracked. He gripped the arm of his chair, his heart beating faster and faster.

"Yes, my lord, it's time."

He felt Aang's hand on his arm through the sudden rush of every emotion he thought he could feel. "Go on, I've got this," said Aang's voice, sounding very far away. Zuko didn't need any further encouragement. He was out of the chair and on the way out of the room by the time the maid had looked up.

He broke into a run, not caring who saw him dashing down the hall in a thoroughly undignified manner. All he cared about was—

She looked pale, her lips pressed together in a thin, tight line as she walked slowly around the room, hands braced against her arched back. Her expression quivered a little and her eyes widened when he burst into the room, but the corners of her mouth twitched up ever so slightly.

"Let's hope this isn't a false alarm," she said in her best deadpan, prompting a short, slightly hysterical laugh from her husband.

"Yeah," he said. "Let's hope."


	15. A New Memory

The night was cool and quiet. Beetle-crickets chirped in the grass and the sound of gently flowing water seemed like music in the still air.

Outside the palace walls, beyond the Royal Circle and its fancy homes, there was a lovely park, shaped and manicured into a work of art. The top of a small hill in the middle of the park afforded a perfect view of the sky right above the palace.

"What's so special about coming out here in the middle of the night?" Bao Yu asked. Yi Min shook out the blanket he had been carrying over his arm and laid it down on the hill. He sat down on it and smiled, patting the empty space next to him. She smiled back and sat down, smoothing her robe out over her knees. Yi Min leaned back on his hands and looked up at the velvety black sky.

"When the heir is born, they light off fireworks," he said. "Red for a girl, gold for a boy."

"Why?"

"It's something that stayed around from a time when it mattered if the firstborn was a boy or a girl. They wanted the whole city to know right away if the kid could inherit or not, but now it's just a tradition."

"It doesn't really make sense, though," Bao Yu said. "It would only work if the baby was born at night and not in the middle of the day. And what if the baby didn't survive? If they lit off the fireworks anyway, that would be... awkward, to say the least."

Yi Min grinned. "They usually wait to make sure everything's all right first. And they wait until nighttime if it was during the day." He lay back on the blanket, hands behind his head. Bao Yu followed suit, resting her head on his shoulder. "My earliest memory is my mom taking me to see the fireworks the night Mad Princess Azula was born, but she was born in the middle of the day, when the sun was highest in the sky. I was about three years old then. I guess it caused a lot of gossip at the time, since they used to just do the fireworks when the _heir_ was born, not the second child of the Firelord's second son."

"Hmm. And what if the baby isn't even born tonight? You brought me out here to lie on the grass for nothing," Bao Yu teased. Yi Min looked over at her with a smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Do I _need_ an excuse to lie on the grass with you?"

"No." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "But if my clothes get muddy, you owe me."

He chuckled. "Okay, whatever."

They lay in silence for a little while, just taking in the beautiful spring night and each other's company. It was already warm enough to be comfortable at night, but not so warm that midday was unbearable—that would come later, and nearly everyone agreed that such weather could take its sweet time. Especially when there were nights like these to be had.

"The Firelady's been in labor since this morning, and it's almost tomorrow already," Bao Yu said finally, a touch of concern in her voice. "I hope she's all right."

"I'm sure she's fine. Palace servants are gossips—we'd have heard if she wasn't."

"Yes, you're probably right."

The footsteps in the grass would have been inaudible at any other time of day. Yi Min sat up to see a green-robed man, almost invisible in the gloom, crossing the park on his way from the palace. Xiang.

"I'll be right back," Yi Min said to his companion before she could ask what was going on.

The earthbender had come alone. Good. And there was no one else around but Bao Yu—and even if she managed to hear, well... he'd been planning on telling her anyway. Eventually. He had to make sure her loyalties were in the right place first.

"You sure no one followed you here?" Yi Min said quietly. Xiang nodded once. "What is it, then?"

"The heir was just born a few minutes ago. A healthy baby girl—I understand there will be fireworks soon." He glanced behind him, but the sky above the palace was still empty. Yi Min couldn't quite keep the smirk from his face.

"A girl, huh? The Firelord must be over the moon."

"He is. They both are, in fact." Xiang looked back at Yi Min, his eyes glinting under the brim of his hat. "It's done. How will we proceed?"

"Just wait some more, until the Avatar and General Iroh are gone. They won't be fooled if we act while they're still here. If we act and manage to _succeed_ , that is."

"Of course."

"And the Captain?"  
"He has his own motivation. If you talked to him personally, or maybe sent him a note..."

"Not until I'm sure."

"He's thinking the same thing about you. He's more cautious than you are—approach him first, or you'll be fighting him for control after it's all over." Xiang's eyes disappeared again beneath his hat. His hands were hidden in his sleeves, as usual.

"I'll think about it. We have enough time."

"Don't push it too far. You know Captain Jee won't appreciate being rushed into something like this, especially considering the fact that he has plans of his own."

Yi Min nodded and rubbed his chin. "And everything else... is it ready?"

"Yes. My men are standing by for their orders."

"Good. Everything is falling into place. Excellent work."

"Thank you, sir." Xiang glanced over at Bao Yu, who was still sitting on the blanket, toying with a small flower and looking bored. "Is she a part of this?"

"Not yet. She'll have her uses."

"I see. Well, I'll leave you to your evening."

"Enjoy your state holiday, Xiang."

"Likewise." The earthbender bowed slightly, turned, and disappeared once again into the night. Yi Min returned to the blanket where Bao Yu looked up at him with a questioning face.

"What was that about?" she asked as he settled in next to her once again.

"Nothing really," he said. "Look up at the sky."

She did, and right then, a bright cluster of red fireworks exploded against the deep, moonless night.

* * *

There was a bird just outside the window.

Pale morning sunlight streamed in through the trees, spreading dappled light across the floor and illuminating the room.

Mai's hand was soft and warm in Zuko's. He stroked her fingers lightly—his own hand remembered their crushing grip from before... last night? This morning? Yesterday, or today? Time seemed to have stopped working in the way that it should. She had crushed his hand, her knuckles going white and her nails digging into his skin, and then—

Just the memory of the baby's crying made Zuko's head jerk up, but the room was quiet, a moment of peace after the birth and the excitement that followed. He could have used the time to close his eyes for a moment, like Mai had, but he couldn't. His body cried out for sleep—he hadn't even been the one to give birth, but he had still been part of it, and he had been awake for a very long time. Still, he couldn't rest. So he sat at her bedside and held her hand, trying to make sense of everything that filled his mind in bits and pieces, disjointed thoughts and emotions that would hopefully sort themselves out soon.

Mai stirred in her sleep. Her eyelids fluttered a few times. Her head rolled to one side where it rested on Zuko's other arm (which had developed pins and needles about an hour ago—he couldn't feel his hand anymore) and she gave him a tired smile.

"Hey."

"Hey." He brushed her bangs out of her eyes to press a kiss to her forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a train," she replied in her usual deadpan. Slowly and carefully, she sat up, mercifully removing her head from Zuko's arm. Her hair was in a tangled halo around her face, which was slightly sticky-looking, and her eyes were shadowed and baggy. At that moment, Zuko could have sworn that he had never seen her looking so beautiful. "Where..."

Her mother sat nearby with a tightly swaddled bundle in her arms. She smiled—an expression that softened her usually stern face—and stood, carrying the bundle over to the side of the bed where Zuko sat.

"You didn't get to hold her earlier," she said in a low voice.

"I, uh..." Zuko looked back at Mai. His heart thudded in his chest, a combination of fear and desperate _want_ flooding his mind at that moment. He wanted to hold her, to just reach out and take her and never let go, but at the same time, he couldn't. Terror clawed at him from the inside, threatening to overwhelm him.

No. He couldn't wimp out on this. It would be all right.

Mai just smiled instead of helping him. He gulped and looked up at her mother, nodding slightly. Before he could say anything else, she bent down and placed the baby in his arms.

"Support her head," she said in that same quiet, gentle tone that was so rare coming from her. "Be confident. Babies want to feel secure, and she's able to tell if you're nervous. Let her know that you know what you're doing."

"But I... I've never held a baby before," he said helplessly.

"You're doing fine." The older woman stroked the sleeping baby's head, which was covered in startlingly thick, downy hair, and withdrew, leaving the little family alone with each other.

Zuko hardly dared move. He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until the baby sighed in her sleep, and he let his own breath out carefully, as if breathing too quickly would hurt her in some way.

He had never even _seen_ a baby this new before, let alone held one. He didn't remember when Azula was born, but Uncle told him that he hadn't been allowed to see her for a few days, and he'd been very put-out. That was so long ago. And now, warm and soft in his arms—

He panicked a little when she stirred and moved around in her blankets. Mai grinned when he looked up at her. A silent plea for help hung in the air between them.

"Careful, Zuko. _Babies can smell fear_."

"...They can?"

"No. I was just teasing you." She leaned forward a little. "She likes you already. Look."

Zuko looked down. The baby had freed one hand and was squeezing his thumb in her tiny fingers. Such a perfect little hand, with the tiniest pink fingernails and wrinkly pink skin.

"My grandma always told me when I was little that that's how babies give hugs," Mai said softly. "Technically, it's not true. But I like it."

"Mai," Zuko whispered. "She's so beautiful."

"Yeah." Mai stroked their daughter's silky hair and bent down to kiss her tiny nose. "She takes after you."

"I've been called many things, but I don't think 'beautiful' was one of them," he replied, trying to keep a straight face, but he couldn't. Now that the lingering fear was just a faint memory, nothing could keep the joy he felt from spilling out. Mai chuckled and kissed him softly on his grinning mouth.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

A small, disgruntled sound came from the blankets as the baby woke up from her nap. She started to fuss, and Zuko's expression turned to one of desperation. He looked down at the baby and back up at Mai, eyes wide and worried.

"Why is she crying? What did I do? What do I do now?"

"You didn't do anything. She's probably hungry. Here, I'll take her." Gently, Mai took the baby from Zuko's arms and cradled her close to her body. "Shhh. I've got you. Shhh." She looked back up when the baby settled down, tiny hands twined in a loose piece of Mai's hair. "I don't want a nurse for her," she said after a brief pause.

"Huh?"

"A wet nurse. I don't want one for her. I'll feed her myself."

Zuko shrugged. "Okay."

"You don't think that's weird, or anything? I mean, I had a nurse, you had a nurse, everyone in our families had nurses..."

"Weird? No. Unusual, maybe, for people like us. But not weird."

"My mother's going to have a conniption," Mai muttered.

"It doesn't matter what she thinks."

"I know."

"And if she gives you any trouble about it, tell me, and I'll say something to her."

"No you won't, you're terrified of her."

"...True. But I'll talk to her anyway." Zuko gave her a weary smile and kissed her temple. "This isn't something she needs to get involved in."

"No, I'll talk to her myself. I know she's not going to agree, so I've already come up with what I'll say to her." She sighed. "Hopefully I'll actually be able to get it out this time."

"You can do it."

"Yeah. I hope so."

They sat in silence for a moment. Zuko migrated from his chair to the edge of the bed and wrapped an arm around Mai's shoulders, holding her close. Mai snuggled into his embrace and they just sat together, looking down at the little princess in Mai's arms. She was awake now, looking around with bright eyes that were screwed up against the light from the window. She gave a huge yawn, blinked a few times, and squeezed one of her father's fingers in her tiny fist.

"Baby hugs," Zuko said with a smile.

"Yeah," Mai replied. "You know... we still don't have a name for her."

"Oh. Right."

She smirked. "Maybe we should get on that. It's kind of important, after all."

"So... I guess your family's names are all out?"

"Yes, unless we're looking for a name that either sounds hideous or belongs to a hideous person. What about your family?"

"All we have are old-fashioned names and more names belonging to hideous people." If Zuko did his job right, heaping as much shame and dishonor as he could on their legacy, no one in the Fire Nation would want to name any more babies after the past three Firelords.

"Are they _classic_ old-fashioned names, or the kind of old-fashioned names that were trendy when our grandparents were born but sound funny now?"

"A little of both, I guess."

"Well, we're already doing everything else differently, maybe we don't have to go with a family name at all." Mai smoothed the baby's blanket with a long, pale hand. "Maybe something about flowers. Springtime. Something about rebirth seems appropriate. Something beautiful. It would work well with the day she was born..." Suddenly, she let out a short gasp and looked sharply up at Zuko.

"What's wrong?"

"I just remembered what day it is," she said.

"What day is it? Did I forget to do something? Is it Toph's birthday?"

"No, no, Toph's birthday was a couple of weeks ago, remember? You gave her all that alcohol."

"Oh, yeah..." Zuko raised his eyebrow, still confused. "So, uh, what day is it again?"

She gave him an incredulous look. "You don't remember? It's... the seventh anniversary of when you were banished."

"...Really?"

"Yes. Seven years to the day."

"I... actually forgot," Zuko said faintly. "I can't believe it." He wasn't expecting to feel _relief_ at this realization, but he did, a light, cool flood of it that seemed to lift a weight he hadn't known he was carrying.

"That's good," Mai said. "You don't _have_ to remember it any more. You have better things to think about."

"Yeah." He looked down at the baby's hand, still curled tightly around his finger. "It's funny. When I was a kid, I would spend _days_ brooding over it every year. I'm sure I was completely intolerable to everyone around me. But now... now I'm happy. I never thought I could be happy on this day."

Mai kissed him softly. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"No, it's all right. _I'm_ all right."

The baby started to fuss again, wiggling around in Mai's arms. Her forehead was wrinkled, apparently in frustration, and she started up a surprisingly loud cry for such a small person.

"Shhh," Mai hushed softly, rocking her back and forth. "Shhh."

"Do you need anything?"

"Can you find my mom?"

"Okay." He kissed her cheek one more time and then stood up, hesitating, not wanting to leave for even a short time. He crossed the room, looking back every few steps as if to make sure that Mai and the baby were still there.

The corridor outside the bedroom was quiet and empty.

"Lady Yao?" Zuko said tentatively. She materialized in front of him with enough speed to make him jump. "Uh... Mai needs you."

"Yes, of course." She swept over to the doorway, but before she entered, she turned back to face Zuko. "You should get some rest, Firelord. You're going to need it."

"Thank you, I will. But I have something I need to do first." He took off down the hall in the direction of an inconspicuous side door, one that let out near the servants' quarters. From there it was only a few hidden passageways and out-of-the-way paths, and he would be there. No one even needed to know that he'd left the palace.

The door was in sight—he reached out to push it open, but was stopped by a brisk cane stroke across the shins.

"Do you have to keep doing that?" Zuko said, annoyed. That _hurt_.

"If you're planning on leaving the palace without a security detail, yes," Captain Jee replied from where he sat, stretching his bad leg and apparently making sure no one could escape out that door.

"I'm in plain clothes and I know a secret way. No one will notice me leaving or coming back in."

"That's the last thing you say before the city guards bring in your remains in a sack for your widow." He stood and moved toward the door as well. Zuko frowned

"I'm doing this _alone_."

"Right, sir. I'm just going along in case they need a witness at your murderer's trial."

Zuko sighed. "Whatever." He walked out into the sunshine, which was bright enough to make his eyes water—it was going to be a beautiful day. It was a beautiful day already.

But Zuko was headed to the one place that always blocked out all beauty and cheer—the Capital Prison Tower.

* * *

"I need a palace nurse," Mai said to her mother while the baby sucked greedily on her fingertip. Her mother gave a nod of approval.

"Yes, she's getting hungry, isn't she? Which nurse do you prefer?"

"It doesn't really matter." Mai took a deep breath, preparing for the worst. "One who can teach me to feed her myself."

The reaction was exactly what she'd been preparing for. A look of scandalized shock crossed her mother's face, followed by a haughty, offended-looking half-sneer. Mai sighed. Well, at least she had known what to expect. The rest should be predictable, as well.

"And _why_ would you want to know such a thing, Mai?"

"Because I don't want a nurse for her. I'm going to nurse her myself."

Nostril flare. Yes, that had been in the prediction too. "Mai, we don't do that. The women in our family have always had nurses for their children. Do you not realize the _privilege_ you were born into, and the even greater privilege you married into? You do not _have_ to feed her yourself."

"But I want to."

"Why? Why would you want to?"

Mai breathed deeply through her nose. She cleared her mind and drew on the short list of reasons that she had prepared ahead of time. This was not going to be yet another conversation where her mother talked her into a corner with no options left for her own defense. "Because," she said, keeping her voice low. "Most importantly, I want to keep her safe. Someone could put something harmful in a nurse's food, and she could pass it on to the baby without even realizing it. I always know what I eat and where it comes from. She would be safe from that, at least."

"Well, that's easily managed. We can monitor what a palace nurse eats."

"I don't care. I still don't like it." Mai took another deep breath. _You're doing fine, Mai_. "Secondly, I just don't see the point. My body makes milk like any other mother's, so I don't see why I should have someone else feed her when I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself. And before you say anything about the class we're from," she continued before her mother could move on. "I have never cared what 'society' thinks of me. I do what I want, they gossip, I don't care. They can say and believe whatever they want. I know what's true for me, and that's the only thing that matters. I don't care what they say about me because I want to nurse my own baby. It's not any of their business. I don't judge them on what they do with their lives, so it's not their place to judge me."

Her mother looked confused now, as if she could only barely understand what she was saying. She hid her hands in her sleeves and slowly crossed the room, her soft shoes silent on the carpeted floor. Her body was rigid, all straight lines and restrained movements as she walked. She walked around the bed to the side where Mai rested, but stopped a few feet away from the bed itself, and there she stood, unmoving and silent. The confusion disappeared from her face, to be replaced by a perfectly blank, neutral expression.

Mai realized just then that her mother really _didn't_ understand, and her breath caught in her throat. Her mother had lived her life to fit in with society, changing herself to fit others' expectations, whereas Mai had felt smothered by the very same world. That was all the older woman knew. She couldn't conceive of rebelling against the norm, but Mai had always been a black koala-sheep.

When she was younger, her extended family ignored her as long as she kept to herself, which she did. But the truth was that they didn't want to acknowledge all the things that made her different, that wouldn't be trimmed and pruned down into pleasing shapes that would fit in among everyone else. They praised her when she did something they liked, anything that made her more like a doll and less like a person. They praised her beauty and her good manners, but never her wit or skill with knives. Those things didn't fit in with who she should have been, and they were to be squashed out. Mai couldn't handle that. Mentally, physically, and emotionally she just couldn't do it.

"Do you get it?" Mai asked, a touch of desperation entering her voice. She _wanted_ her mother to get it. And not just so she would let Mai feed the baby. There was so much more she wanted to say, things that she hoped would be apparent through this particular request.

A very long silence hung in the air, dense and heavy enough to be felt like a weight. Her mother's face was a mask; her eyes betrayed nothing as she watched Mai and the baby for a moment.

"No," she said shortly. "I think I get _you_ , though. Being with you these past months... we have never been alike. And yet, at the same time... we have everything in common."

Mai was temporarily speechless as she tried to figure out what that meant. Her mother sat stiffly down on the edge of the bed.

"You care deeply for your baby. So do I—I care deeply for both of them. They will always be my babies, no matter how old they get or how many children of their own they have. You would do anything for yours, as I would do anything for mine. But," she said, "we express it in different ways. We come from different generations... different worlds, even though you are my daughter. I don't understand you, and I know you don't understand me. So we fight. I do have several years' experience on you, and I think you would do well to take my advice every once in a while, though," she said, a touch of reproach in her words. Mai looked down, sheepish. "Everything I've done has been for you and your brother. But you... you were always different. What was best for me was never what was best for you, and no matter how much I try to force it..." She shook her head and said nothing for a long moment. "I don't think I will ever understand you. But I'm working on it. And I think now... after so many years, I think I'm finally starting to see."

"You... you are?"

"Yes. I was meant to be a noblewoman. You were meant to be Mai. I was meant to be a governor's wife, you were meant to be Mai. I was meant to be the Firelady's mother, and you... have always been Mai, no matter how hard I tried to make you be what _I_ thought Mai should be." Her voice was very soft now, so quiet that Mai had to strain to hear it.

Mai's eyes prickled. She blinked furiously to make it go away, but she couldn't—she squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath, but all that did was force a tear out, to roll down her cheek and to drip off her chin.

She made sure there was no more of _that_ before she spoke again. "Mom... you _do_ get it."

"I'm still working on it. But I think it will be easier now."

"Yeah. It will. I'll... I'll work on it, too."

Her mother smiled, then, an expression that broke up the hard lines of her face and softened her eyes. She put a hand on Mai's shoulder and squeezed. "I'll get a nurse for you. Sit tight, I'll be right back."

"Thanks, Mom."

"You're welcome, dear."

* * *

Zuko sat on a stool and leaned back against the grimy stone wall. He could feel Ozai's malevolent eyes on him. Neither of them said a word for a long time.

"I have a daughter," Zuko said simply.

"Hmmm. Yes, I did hear about you marrying that nonbender. For your line's sake, you'd better hope your heir has fire."

" _You_ helped arrange our marriage when we were kids," Zuko said, annoyed. Of all the people to talk about firebenders being superior... "But then, I guess I wasn't in line for the throne back then."

"You were _never_ in line for the throne," Ozai muttered.

"Doesn't matter now, does it? I'm the Firelord, and Mai is my wife. And now we have a baby girl." _And you can't do anything about it_.

"And?"

"And I'm sure you remember what day it is."

Ozai glanced up at the ceiling as if calling back the memory. "Ah, yes. The day I thought I was rid of you for good. I wonder if being born today will make her as weak and useless as you are."

"It's the anniversary of the first time I challenged you. And if she's what _you_ call 'weak and useless,' I'll be proud." He stood up and faced the man in the cell. "She is _never_ going to be afraid of me. I will _never_ hurt her. She'll know that no matter what she does, I will always love her. Unconditionally. I know you can't even understand that, so I won't try to spell it out for you."

"Interesting. And why did you feel the need to come tell me this?"

"Because for the last seven years, I've always hated this day. And now you don't even have that power over me, because I have something better to think about. It's my daughter's birthday, and I couldn't be happier."

"Good for you." Ozai was no longer looking at him, but at the opposite wall of his tiny prison. "Go be happy somewhere else."


End file.
